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wvplayernotreally
Member

since 2002-11-06

Posts 215
yakima wa

0 posted 2002-11-08 12:33 PM

Under the Big Blue Top

Isn't it amazing
How so many things can collide?
My eyes are straining
to see the beutiful things that flood my mind

I want to take in everything
Smell the perfume of life
see the things my eyes are far less keen too
to feel the softness of the passing wind

But, why was i choosen to feel these things
to live a life i am not worthy of
i see daily people living like a manufactured being
not taking time out to feel

I was chosen to feel under the big blue top
to understand things not in my own understanding
its an amazing feeling, why should i stop?
to live a life unfull filled in my meaning less life

I feel for me under the sky
not for my teachers for my mom
i can't mearly let these things pass me by
in my simple exsistance under the big blue top

Things are not always as they seem under the big blue sky,Keep that in mind

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

1 posted 2002-11-09 07:11 AM

Welcome to Passions!

Wonderful first post. You've explored some great emotions here with a steady repetition. It will be nice to have another addition to the board.

Remember to reply as well as post around here. You will find people respond to your work much better if you acknowledge others.

Thanks for posting.

~AF~

Consider yourself added to the hitlist.

anya
Member

since 2002-07-27

Posts 393
London, UK

2 posted 2002-11-09 12:10 PM

What a great first post and welcome to Passions, I genuinly will look forward to seeing more from you, I really loved the lines 'my eyes are straining to see the beautiful things that flood my mind', a lovley image you created there, anyway this poem had a very unusual quality to it whichI enjoyed very much, anyway well done

Anya

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

3 posted 2002-11-09 01:35 PM

I would have to, first off, say Welcome to Passions! Then, secondly that my favorite part of this I think is "I want to take in everything
Smell the perfume of life"
I enjoyed that bit, along with the rest. Good Work.

Laura

"I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful."
-Bob Hope-

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

4 posted 2002-11-09 02:12 PM

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!!!

Hope you enjoy replying, sharing, etc. with all of us.

Great first post.

....see more from ya soon..
Ri

~*Pain strikes my heart, water drips down my face, I now stand in front of you, full of shame and disgrace*~

Auguste

Member Elite

since 2000-02-16

Posts 3953
By the sea

5 posted 2002-11-09 03:01 PM

Welcome to Passions! I very much enjoyed your poem and look forward to reading more of you. Please look for a special greeting in your e-mail.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

6 posted 2002-11-10 12:55 PM

Haha, great critique message. So true. You'll see people either doing one or the other in here an awful lot.

Well if I had to critique anything, I'd have to say... don't say "mom" in the last stanza, it makes the poem seem less professional in a way. If you say "mother" it will seem a lot more like a big people poem, know what I mean? Yeah, that's it...

Looking forward to seeing more from you. Welcome to Passions. Have fun reading, replying and sharing with the rest of us in here.

Parasite

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
~Aldous Huxley

[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (11-10-2002 12:55 AM).]

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

7 posted 2002-11-11 02:51 PM

wvplayernotreally~
Welcome to Passions!
This is an excellent first post, and
I really enjoyed reading it.
I'll be looking for lots more from you.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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