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aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

0 posted 2002-11-07 02:15 PM

Be With You by Eliza Simmons(c)Jan 25, 2001

Be With You,
Until the mountians move, the sky fall.
Be With You,
No matter what happen until the day I'm gone.
Be With You,
In this world, you're the only one that can complete me.
Be With You,
You're the only one that understand my heart.
Be With You,
I would do anything for you, just to keep you close by my side.
Be With You,
In everything I do, for everything I do, I do it for you.
Be With You,
I will love you til the moon becomes red.
Be With You,
I don't even want a day without you, I miss you.
Be With You,
Hold me tight, I will bring you joy, I would give anything.
So take my hand now, I will hold you ever and forever,
Til the end of time.
Together we will be strong, together we have future.
Let's build this home together, I belong to you.
Forever I live, I will love you still.
Forever I live, I will make you whole.

Eliza Simmons
~Sometimes when I look back at what I wrote, I don't recognize the 'Me' in the past anymore.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

1 posted 2002-11-07 03:29 PM

Vivian~
Good to see you back among us, my friend.
This is beautifully penned, and I hope to
see lots more from you.
Hugs,
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-11-08 12:36 PM

Nice writing, Aries... I just have to say that you should watch your repetition a little bit. It doesn't hurt this poem so much because the repetition is a far shorter line than those between... just be careful with it.

Some of your thoughts here are splendid. Namely this one:

quote:
Be With You,
I will love you til the moon becomes red.

I like that... hehe... very cool. The ending is also well done.

Nice work, keep it up.

Parasite

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able

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