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Teen Poetry #6
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Escape
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Escape |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571
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Escape Is this real? This dreamy,warm touch Is it really your fingertips? I have waited so long For a love like you to come along I now have a reason for living Your hand in mine We breath together Is this my escape Your arms wrapped around me Please never let go Is this real? Or am I just dreaming? |
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| © Copyright 2002 Allison Colgrove - All Rights Reserved | |||
Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I like the title, Allison... as for the poem itself, I'd like to make some constructive comments but you don't have your critique flag activated...  Anyways... enjoyed the read. Nice work. Parasite |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
Srry LP. I dont know how to put up my critique flag. I`ll have to ask Sara. LOL. I`d like to hear your comments tho...It is always nice to hear something new that will help me be better. *Allison* |
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NSnaomian Member
since 2002-07-22
Posts 232In my troll closet I be |
I really enjoyed reading this, great work. Laura Real friends are those who, when you feel you've made a fool of yourself, don't feel you've done a permanent job. |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Well if you're cool with critiques then I'll give one...  All I wanted to say was that you use wordings that are very common, like "is this real or am I dreaming?", as the basis of your poem's content. That's not a good idea... because it lacks creativity and educated readers (like the ones in this forum) are easily bothered by that kind of content. Consider rephrasing things, put them into different words, make the phrase yours instead of just using something that is everywhere, like "is it real or am I dreaming." After all, finding the most effective combinations of words is what poetry's all about... right? Using cliches is like... tracing a picture and saying you drew it yourself. Just some advice, okay Allison? Don't take it poorly, I still like you and your poetry a great deal.  Parasite |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
Thank you. Next time I write a poem I`ll take out a thesaurus. (I have no idea how to spell that word.LOL) I write books and stuff too so sometimes I use all my words in there. LOL (Bad excuse LOL)But thank you for the help. It really does make a difference. *Allison* |
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dinky Member
since 2002-10-19
Posts 258 |
hey, i thought this was good i guess it couldve used better words but i dont know bigger more creative words either but it was good ~sam~ !respect the alphabet! |
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