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Passions in Poetry

goodnight nuria

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quietlydying
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since 06-10-2001
Posts 1316
the wonderful land of oz


0 posted 11-05-2002 07:58 PM       View Profile for quietlydying   Email quietlydying   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for quietlydying

I love when
no one knows me -
Walking through the chaos
numb.
[There are a thousand ways
to sidestep
me].

Masquerade
empty
autumn.
Through the ball
room we’re dancing.

Now the fall is gone.

Aching ears
have played too strong,
cellists hum
to silent hymns.
And dancers leap
            as chinadolls cry.

[There are a thousand ways
to sidestep
me].

/jen/


what if they gave a war, and nobody came...

[This message has been edited by quietlydying (11-05-2002 09:00 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 jennifer elizabeth - All Rights Reserved
quietlydying
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the wonderful land of oz


1 posted 11-05-2002 08:02 PM       View Profile for quietlydying   Email quietlydying   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for quietlydying

i forgot two quick things.

1]  this poem was inspired by a song i heard a while back.  and one of the main lines was 'there's a thousand ways to side step me'.

this is not plagirism, just merely the use of one line from a song, after being tweaked to be grammatically correct.

AND...

2]  you may not be seeing much of me around here in the next little while.  it's a long story, but things aren't going very well at all and i need to focus my energies on staying out of the hospital and trying to get better.  i won't be gone completely, just not posting much in the near future.

best of luck to all.


until we meet again...

/jen/

what if they gave a war, and nobody came...

[This message has been edited by quietlydying (11-05-2002 08:02 PM).]

cherish
Member Ascendant
since 03-25-2001
Posts 6045
swimming in fairy floss.......


2 posted 11-05-2002 08:49 PM       View Profile for cherish   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for cherish



Chin up, kid. I like the repetition, especially the way you didnt use it as being the first and last thing you said. *grrr* hate when people do that.

quote:
And dancers leap
              as chinadolls cry.


Haunting...I can imagine that happening.

Come back quickly alrighty? If not, I'll see you msn

Are you scared?                            BOO! Are you now?

dinky
Member
since 10-19-2002
Posts 263


3 posted 11-05-2002 09:02 PM       View Profile for dinky   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for dinky

hey,
this was pretty good, i liked it
~sam~

!respect the alphabet!

Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


4 posted 11-05-2002 09:29 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

It's beautiful - you didn't plagarize anything and what you've done with it is very good.

Take care of yourself. We'll be praying for you and the door here stays open. The light is always on and our arms are always open to welcome you home.
foreverwithyou
Member
since 10-20-2002
Posts 209
Wonderland


5 posted 11-05-2002 10:03 PM       View Profile for foreverwithyou   Email foreverwithyou   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for foreverwithyou

hey i liked this it was go0d and dont stay away too long !!!

              

"I am who I am who I am who am I?"

anonymousfemale
Member Ascendant
since 02-02-2000
Posts 6304
Limbo


6 posted 11-06-2002 02:20 AM       View Profile for anonymousfemale   Email anonymousfemale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymousfemale

*thinks*

Ok, I did like this but it's got me thinking things that really shouldn't be thought. It's good to see you've got the brackets up there again, I love it when you add them.

quote:
I love when
no one knows me -
Walking through the chaos
numb.


That bit stuck out the most...you take care of yourself, ok?

Me.

Consider yourself added to the hitlist.

Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


7 posted 11-06-2002 12:32 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Playing music while you write poetry is bad news... so is modelling after a song.

Try to keep away from that...

Otherwise, liked the poem.  Was disappointed to find out that the line was something from a song because I really like what it did to wrap everything up at the end... ah well.

Still enjoyed the piece very much.

Parasite
devinechild22
Senior Member
since 08-28-2002
Posts 576


8 posted 11-06-2002 01:04 PM       View Profile for devinechild22   Email devinechild22   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for devinechild22

        I loved it. We will miss u Jen.
                 *Allison*
NSnaomian
Member
since 07-22-2002
Posts 237
In my troll closet I be


9 posted 11-06-2002 03:54 PM       View Profile for NSnaomian   Email NSnaomian   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for NSnaomian

Very nice write. And definitely try to stay away from that haunting, smelly building!=-P
Best of luck to you, be seein ya around.

Real friends are those who, when you feel you've made a fool of yourself, don't feel you've done a permanent job.

quietlydying
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Posts 1316
the wonderful land of oz


10 posted 11-07-2002 06:29 PM       View Profile for quietlydying   Email quietlydying   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for quietlydying

brian, i never modelled it after a song.

the word inspiration came to be for a reason.

let's just say i was 'inspired'.

/jen/

what if they gave a war, and nobody came...

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 07-25-2000
Posts 9136
Somewhere... out there...


11 posted 11-11-2002 03:55 PM       View Profile for vlraynes   Email vlraynes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit vlraynes's Home Page   View IP for vlraynes


Jen~
I REALLY love this piece, and, like Cherish,
I particularly loved these lines...

    "And dancers leap
              as chinadolls cry."

Excellent imagery and yes...somewhat haunting. as well.
I wish you the best of everything, Jen.
Good luck to you and don't wander too far.
Hugs,
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Marge Tindal
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since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


12 posted 01-05-2006 10:25 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Jen~
Wanting to hear that you're okay~
Too long you've been gone~

I emailed you ...~

This is as lovely now ... as it was then~

*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*No matter what I search for ...
let me know when it is LOVE that I find*~ <))><

Email -           noles1@totcon.com     

Ace of Crimson Tears
Junior Member
since 03-03-2006
Posts 14
United States


13 posted 04-10-2006 10:37 AM       View Profile for Ace of Crimson Tears   Email Ace of Crimson Tears   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for Ace of Crimson Tears

That poem was great I loved it! I'll be keeping an eye out for anything new.


~Ace of Crimson Tears~
       Aka
       Matt
 
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