10.31.02 - pipTalk Forums

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Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

0 posted 2002-11-04 05:13 PM

your angry emotions
make no sense to me
why do you hurt yourself so?
you love me, there's no
turning back
you hate him? no
don't kill your soul with this
drugged eyes kill me
the end is near
she wanted so much
but died to young
we'll never know
how much we hurt
until the day comes
when you can't stand
to look at your reflection
the self-loathing begins
a slow-burning pain
spirals into my heart
this is what I hate
this feeling, let me be numb
crying out silently is no help
but shouting won't work either
we had the same heart for so long
forget that....
we never did, can i hate you now?
no? not possible
you can't the one you love
you'll never understand me
and i wont ever understand you

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-11-04 09:22 PM

loved the closing, Ina... some very powerful work. I have a suggestion about your structure... I think you should put more thought into your line breaks, where you locate them, how you use them...

You might find them more effective if each line has a sense of completeness on its own, rather than being entirely dependent on the surrounding ones.

Well done nonetheless. Another Ina poem.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

2 posted 2002-11-05 05:47 AM

You always write so strongly, with such emotion. Makes me curious how you survive..
LP loved the ending, but me, I think the middle was the best part. I'm in awe of how you always use such a unique style of wording.

quote:
drugged eyes kill me
the end is near
she wanted so much
but died to young
we'll never know
how much we hurt
until the day comes
when you can't stand
to look at your reflection
the self-loathing begins
a slow-burning pain
spirals into my heart
this is what I hate
this feeling, let me be numb
crying out silently is no help
but shouting won't work either

Beautifully dark, Regina.

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

Getting away, isn't Running away.

"The hurt that you try to hide, is killing me."

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

3 posted 2002-11-05 02:41 PM

Ina~
This is such a powerful write.
You've done a wonderful job fo expressing these thoughts and feelings.
I enjoyed reading this.
~Vicky

P.S. Don't forget to check out Teen Challenge #2!
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

4 posted 2002-11-07 03:00 PM

emotions has always been a great part of your poems
i'm loving every line Ina
keep it up, thanks for sharing

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?
Nelly Furtado é a menina a mais bonita no mundo largo do todo.

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