»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #6
»
Like Us?
| Teen Poetry #6 |
|
Like Us? |
|
|
cmonkiki Junior Member
since 2002-10-18
Posts 11Ohio, USA |
What does it mean, to disobey your parents? Shouldn't they treat you like an equal? Is it always true, what they say? That they listened to their elders? Or were they ever Like Us? Craving for understanding? For compassion, respect, and in some cases, love? Were they ever teenagers? Like Us? |
||
| © Copyright 2002 Elisha W. - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
cmonkiki Junior Member
since 2002-10-18
Posts 11Ohio, USA |
this is mine not darkness's i forgot to log him out when i posted it sorry i am not too smart when using computers |
||
|
Match Member
since 2002-07-01
Posts 286Canada Edmonton |
I liked this, because sometimes I think they were never like us  YOUR INSULTS AND YOUR CURSES MAKE ME FEEL LIKE IM NOT A PERSON ~Staind~ |
||
quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
don't worry. the mods quickly fixed it up. good write and thanks for sharing. /jen/ what if they gave a war, and nobody came... |
||
|
quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
oh, and  welcome to passions!!! almost forgot.  /jen/ what if they gave a war, and nobody came... [This message has been edited by quietlydying (11-03-2002 07:56 PM).] |
||
|
chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
cmonkiki- Whaha...parental units can be evil hideous...x_X *pat* Dun worry. We'll all end up being just like them... XD Anywho, about the poem. ^^ I felt that the multiple question marks were a little overbearing. There are some places that don't really need question marks, and so, by taking away some of the question marks, some of your lines can be longer and have more flowiness. ^_^; Example: Or were they ever Like Us? Craving for understanding? For compassion, respect, and in some cases, love? "Craving for understanding?" doesn't really make a whole lot of sense, since it is a bridge between the first and third line. So, we take out the question mark on the first and second lines to make: Or were they ever Like Us, Craving for understanding, For compassion, respect, and in some cases, love? You probably don't need to put in the commas, it really depends on what you think, but it does make more sense minus the question marks, yes? ^_^ Just go over the rest of the poem to see where you can take out more question marks, but don't take out too many... ^^;;; That's pretty much it. ^^ A thoughtful write that further proves there are two types of humans: Us, and Them. Haha! ^^ I need a life. x_X Leah |
||
|
Darkness Member
since 2002-10-17
Posts 202The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies. |
I still love this one whenever I read it. It's my favorite you've written. Keep writing honey! Love, (Well... You know who.)  |
||
Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
It's important for those old people to respect us, sure. I mean, just because they pay all the bills and bring all the money into the house, does that make them in charge? Hell no! I clean my room EVERY week, thank you very much.  Parasite |
||
|
cmonkiki Junior Member
since 2002-10-18
Posts 11Ohio, USA |
Thank you for your kind words. This was the first and only thing that i have written that i liked. Thank you again. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
