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knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

0 posted 2002-10-30 12:38 PM

your bruises blanch
against my skin.
you always touch so
carefully, concise.

stark in your judgements
of who, what, when. it
only takes a word to
take it all away.

a slap only stings for
just so long. yet it
reverberates in my head
with each syllable said.

broken by the sound of
each uttered offence. i
hide from your words,
lashed out by your hate.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

1 posted 2002-10-30 03:01 AM

Tiff - wow. If this isn't raw and true I don't know what is. There are some fantastic lines running around in this but a few that really stood out were,

quote:
a slap only stings for
just so long. yet it
reverberates in my head
with each syllable said.

It's so emotional that I can't help but feel for you. While you have written this extremely well, if it is from a personal perspective I urge you to get out of that relationship. A person is more deserving of living than of anothers wrath.

It honestly is brilliant, Tiff, with a strong sense of bitterness and sorrow. An interesting combination but you've made them suit eachother well.

Thanks for posting it. You take care, ok?

~AF~

Anti Lemming Crusader - Fight against the conformity!

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-10-30 01:24 PM

Some of the places in which you assigned your line breaks seem really unusual. I'm having trouble pinpointing exactly what your intention is by ending a line with a word like "I" and then proceeding with the statement in the next line. I'm not necessarily saying that I didn't like this, I'm just wondering why it was done.

Beautiful writing however, Tiff. Loved this. You best not go anywhere. *sits on you*

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

3 posted 2002-10-30 01:49 PM

Uh Tiff? Wow. We need to talk again soon

You okay? Lemme know, alright?

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

4 posted 2002-10-30 10:13 PM

This is well-written and painful to read. I really hope everything is ok... drop me an e-mail if you ever want to vent about anything, ok?

Take care..

Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

clumsy
Member

since 2002-10-10

Posts 106
canada.

5 posted 2002-10-30 10:48 PM

i can really feel this. unfortunately.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

6 posted 2002-10-31 01:16 AM

Oh Tiffers, whoever you wrote this about could be mistaken for my parents! Seriously, this hit SO unnervingly close to home it left me breathless....

*hugs you tightly* I sure hope you're coping with this..and if it is just about some guy, then out Out OUT!

god, you wrote this perfectly....

Are you scared? BOO! Are you now?

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

7 posted 2002-10-31 08:09 AM

Wow, that was great....beautiful....Good write.

Ri

~*I'm not gonna say I'm gorgeous, that for you to decide, if you really wanna know me, see the world through my eyes*~

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