Its about a guy(what else is new)... no title

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Nazera29
Junior Member

since 2002-08-14

Posts 34
Connecticut

0 posted 2002-10-28 11:57 PM

Draped cloth and the deep smell of smoke seeps into my memories
And I try to run from you but you are too close to hide from
I wanted you to know the deep corners of myself
So I learned all your ins and outs
I wasted so many cells so many hours so much of myself in our warped world
And today I doubt that you have ever thought of me the way I think of you
I still think about you
And I wonder if I will ever be able to escape the sin and darkness and pleasure
That I know only you can afford me
So in a few months
I will be faced with your deep smell again
Your apathetic attitude seeping into every pore of my gullibility
And I will try to find my way out of your darkness and into my own light

*We are the hero in our own story*

Kevin

Senior Member

since 1999-11-02

Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

1 posted 2002-10-29 01:21 AM

Is this about pat, jess? that kid, boo.

anawnda
Member

since 2002-07-26

Posts 113

2 posted 2002-10-29 04:07 AM

i think i kinda know what this poem is about, im always stuck in this kind of circumstance so sorry if i say this totally cliched line that i can realate to the poem, it was really good but there were a few lines that i thought jumped from the poem, you might check on that. love ((And I will try to find my way out of your darkness and into my own light)) thanks for this great read!!!!

SailorFirebird
Junior Member

since 2002-10-21

Posts 16
15 Miles North of NoWhere

3 posted 2002-10-29 09:39 AM

this is different and i like it. i love the style, but i love the content best, though. anywho, nice read. loved it.

I am Sailor Firebird! Defender of...ummm, STUFF! Behold my clarinet, vito, and the wrath of a squeeky reed!

LCBS
Senior Member

since 2001-11-29

Posts 532
Connecticut

4 posted 2002-10-29 02:59 PM

Whats his name and whats his address, I'll take care of him for you Jess...

on the matter of the poem--
I totally felt what you were saying, your choice of words really made this one great-

~Lis

EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

5 posted 2002-10-29 04:50 PM

Know the feeling, and I think you described it extremely well. Nice one

Ellie

High above the mucky-muck, castle made of clouds; there sits Wonderboy, sitting oh so proudly....

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

6 posted 2002-10-29 08:22 PM

I thoroughly enjoyed this! I felt what you were saying as well and what a great job you did! I also liked the nice images!
Great job. Thumbs WAY UP to you.

=-Laura-=

Real friends are those who, when you feel you've made a fool of yourself, don't feel you've done a permanent job.

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

7 posted 2002-10-29 08:58 PM

I gotta say, there's some AWSOME imagrey in this poem! VERY well worded. I loved it!

After Love comes Pain, then Love, Then Pain, then Love, then Pain..... does anyone else see a pattern here? Oh well, can't say it's not worth it.

foreverwithyou
Member

since 2002-10-20

Posts 204
Wonderland

8 posted 2002-10-29 10:13 PM

loved it

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

9 posted 2002-10-30 12:45 PM

I enjoyed the style that this was written in.  You lean heavily on word usage and organization to regulate flow and tone, rather than creating an identifiable rhythm... which is difficult to do well.

The only thing I didn't enjoy in this poem was the use of darkness and light towards the end.  That's kind of overdone in poetry, I think.

Just my humble opinion.  Best of luck with everything.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

10 posted 2002-10-30 01:37 PM

HEY

I really liked this and I DEFINETLY can relate. I, personally, liked the dark and light reference, because thats just about how you feel. When you have feelings for someone and all you want to do get over them its like youre in jail and you just want to get out. Good job

-Kiley

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

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