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Teen Poetry #6
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Surreal
Junior Member
since 2002-10-21
Posts 35
Paris

0 posted 2002-10-28 07:20 AM




Secretly tucked away between the folds of her fingers
He could see the mysticism waiting to undo him
“It’s all your fault I can’t sleep”
Motionless with arm extended
In hopes of receiving a telephone call
Reciting the elements of their relationship
“And this is why I love you”
She changed the color of her eyes to fit his litany
(It’s the stroke of midnight all through the town)
Ah, nostalgia, what a wench you are
It’s the break of dawn and one by one the lights shut off
(She shut him off)




Glory is a silent thing-- Mineral

[This message has been edited by Surreal (10-29-2002 07:25 AM).]

© Copyright 2002 Jean - All Rights Reserved
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
1 posted 2002-10-28 11:16 AM


Very nicely written, Jean.  I love the use of symbolic concepts as a means of expression in this poem... for example, the changing of her eye colour.  It's one of those things that makes you have to think in order to really absorb the meaning.

I do enjoy reading you.  Oh, and "wench" is fine.  

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
2 posted 2002-11-02 03:04 PM



Surreal~
I thought this piece was very well done.
You did a great job of setting the scene,
and I could see it as I read.
I'm not sure that I've properly welcomed you,
so, Welcome to Passions!
I look forward to reading lots more from you.
~Vicky

P.S. Don't forget to check out Teen Challenge #2!


"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

[This message has been edited by vlraynes (11-02-2002 03:05 PM).]

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