navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #6 » Colors of Dying
Teen Poetry #6
Post A Reply Post New Topic Colors of Dying Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
StellarChica
Member
since 2002-07-06
Posts 207
floating down a river...

0 posted 2002-10-28 12:12 PM



The ominous clouds,
Cast shadows on the mountains that are,
Painted with the colors of dying.
The fierce afternoon sun,
Breaks through and sets the trees on fire.
They flail in the biting autumn wind,
Crying out for something to save them.
And the ominous clouds,
Cast shadows on the mountains that are,
Painted with the colors of dying.


"They say you need to pray if you wanna go to heaven. They never tell you what to say when your whole life has gone to hell."-Brand New

[This message has been edited by StellarChica (10-28-2002 12:14 AM).]

© Copyright 2002 Erin Reynolds - All Rights Reserved
Surreal
Junior Member
since 2002-10-21
Posts 35
Paris
1 posted 2002-10-28 06:59 AM


The repitition of the first three lines in this was very good, it made the piece stronger, and to me, have more depth to it.  Nice work   

Glory is a silent thing-- Mineral

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
2 posted 2002-10-28 11:08 AM


I liked the irony in the sun brutally slaughtering the trees.  I'm also quite fond of the description you provided... flailing is a great word.  

This piece is morbid, but you wrote it very well.  Keep up the great work.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
3 posted 2002-11-02 02:59 PM



StellarChica~
I like this piece very much.
I have to agree that the repetition of the
first three lines was extremely effective.
Great imagery here, and powerfully penned.
Nicely done.
~Vicky

P.S. Don't forget to check out Teen Challenge #2!

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #6 » Colors of Dying

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary