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Teen Poetry #6

You've Given Up

PoeticGoddessOfDepression
Member

since 2002-07-02

Posts 439
I am everywhere

0 posted 2002-10-26 10:41 PM

Red against flesh.
You need not tell me twice.
And still..
You do so.
"It's not right..
It's not right."

Me against you.
Fighting by something, I just can't stop.
And still..
we keep on.
"It's stupid..
so stupid."

Alone against myself.
Needing to be told twice.
And yet..
no one's here to tell me
"It's not right..
It's not right."

You've given up.
(This is weird... probably dont make much sense to anyone.. but it makes too much to me)

"All are unnecessary evils of a dying republic. We must *write* these wrongs"
~Otep

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

1 posted 2002-10-26 10:47 PM

* agrees with critique message * It made sense to me, weather I count or not...I loved the repeating lines...pretty coo....

Riley

~*I'm not gonna say I'm gorgeous, that for you to decide, if you really wanna know me, see the world through my eyes*~

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-10-27 12:09 PM

heh... I like how this was written, and thank you for making me feel better about not understanding it, by noting I probably wouldn't at the end...

So you want to elaborate a little bit, or what, Sara? Gonna leave us all in the dark?

I know you love dark, but come on now...

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

3 posted 2002-10-27 06:49 PM

I am speechless except for 2 words..
              LOved it.
     I am soooo boring lol
                    *Allison*

dinky
Member

since 2002-10-19

Posts 258

4 posted 2002-10-28 05:20 PM

hey,
i really liked this one!!!
fantastic right
i never know what to say but one thought
the alphabet is kool!
but anywayz
again,
fantastic write
~sam~

foreverwithyou
Member

since 2002-10-20

Posts 204
Wonderland

5 posted 2002-10-28 05:22 PM

hey I liked this sara it was good one of your best and thats all there is to say
/cathy/

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