Float (in me) - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

0 posted 2002-10-26 06:14 PM

Float (in me)

Underneath my outer particles
you thrive.
Soft, soft, softly you play
your tune.
As you flow through my
viens, my blood
your life support, you,
woman, you, woman,
yes you feel my twin.
Our hearts share something
no one else will ever
know. Ever know.
You and I and everyone
knows you can conjure
up, conjure up a
special silver bracelet,
but, my dear, you and I
know in my blood what
we share.
Continue. Continue your
floating.
In me. Floating.

[This message has been edited by PoetryIsLife (10-26-2002 09:23 PM).]

Morgana Le Fay
Junior Member

since 2002-10-25

Posts 22

1 posted 2002-10-26 06:25 PM

Oooh.. the emotion is brimming. I love it.

One thing though... I don't like the use of 'babygirl'. The poem is very strong and serious, but then you have this 'babygirl' stuffed in there and it's.. distracting. But even with it, I think it's great.

And where have you been mister? I got your letter. I'll write back to you, but I'll send it with the paintings.

Love,
Memina

by the woods, you hear it creeping, and you know, they're the blood in you

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

2 posted 2002-10-26 09:07 PM

Inspiration: Amos.

Yes, I agree, it is distracting. I changed it. Like the change?

Check your other email.

Sincerely,
SaVerite

"A life unexamined is not worth living."
-Socrates

Morgana Le Fay
Junior Member

since 2002-10-25

Posts 22

3 posted 2002-10-26 09:21 PM

I do, but is it supposed to be 'bloody' or 'blood'? I think blood would sound better. I wasn't sure if it was a typo or not though.

Lovely.

Check your email. I wrote you 8 pages. (Not really)

Love,
Memina

by the woods, you hear it creeping, and you know, they're the blood in you

[This message has been edited by Morgana Le Fay (10-26-2002 09:23 PM).]

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

4 posted 2002-10-26 10:00 PM

definitely my favourite by you.

nice work ti.

/jen/

what if they gave a war, and nobody came...

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

5 posted 2002-10-27 10:20 AM

Oooo Ti, this is beautiful. You know I hate pieces that make me feel all mushy etc but this is just so...breathtaking. The repetition really did a lot for it.

Very nice. Be proud.

~AF~

Anti Lemming Crusader - Fight against the conformity!

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

6 posted 2002-10-27 01:09 PM

I have no criticism on this piece, Titus. I'm truly impressed.

As a few others mentioned, I'd have to say this is probably the best that I've read from you. You kept the theme simple and went a long way with it.

Great work.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

7 posted 2002-10-27 03:27 PM

Titus~
Wow...this is really a beautiful piece.
I love the tender and emotional feel of it.
I would have to agree that this is one of your best.
Awesome job, my friend.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

8 posted 2002-10-27 03:27 PM

*hugs* Good to see you writing again, and its' good to see that you haven't lost... I forget what I was going to say...

anyway, I really enjoyed, and I hope to see more like this from you soon

Nia

I'm so cute!

Android 17

Senior Member

since 2001-07-21

Posts 664
Winnipeg

9 posted 2002-10-27 03:32 PM

This is the best yet from you Titus---now let's see some more like this! (Come'on! I'm anxious!!!)

Tyhla du dra piyd uv so seht!

Pip
Member

since 2001-09-14

Posts 59

10 posted 2002-10-27 08:31 PM

I am receiving...

repetition that flowed
splendor in simplicity
conveyed feeling

all adding up to a great write, Titus.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

11 posted 2002-10-27 08:52 PM

Eh...I dont want to spoil your acclaim...nice read danniti

Are you scared? BOO! Are you now?

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

12 posted 2002-10-27 11:43 PM

Wow, I'm impressed by the response. I truly am humbled. Thank you, everyone. This poem is a very personal one to me, as are most of my pieces, but this in a more unique way. I'm glad you all enjoyed it as much as I did. Again, I'm humbled. A good evening to you all.

Sincerely,
Titus

"A life unexamined is not worth living."
-Socrates

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

13 posted 2002-10-28 01:53 AM

*wistful sigh* this was, as the others said, one of the best writes ive seen from you in a long while dear.

quote:
As you flow through my
viens, my blood
your life support, you,
woman, you, woman,

beautifully endearing.
great write babes.

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

Getting away, isn't Running away.

"The hurt that you try to hide, is killing me."

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.