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Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

0 posted 2002-10-26 04:07 PM

silent threshes of flaccid salts
flaring true beauty lashed out over waters
beaming truths with vulnerable lies
look past single torture into topaz washed eyes
descriptive color nations bounded together
jostled relentless by knives covered up as words
thrown back blue lights shoot up, my tears
gentle chilling memories flood back as screams escape
pillars of life’s lessons come back to haunt you
always standing before you a castle of threads
attached to forsaken needles
those kill as hard letting up tiny secrets
only to forget the most important rules
it isn’t what you think in pumped lobes
truths that turn to lies within countless seconds
there I promise you won’t forget

~*I'm not gonna say I'm gorgeous, that for you to decide, if you really wanna know me, see the world through my eyes*~

[This message has been edited by Riley (10-26-2002 11:17 PM).]

Genuine_Canadian_Man
Junior Member

since 2002-10-07

Posts 11
Timmins, Ontario, Canada

1 posted 2002-10-27 11:26 AM

Oh My God, What a wonderful poem!! I couldn't have said it better myself. Keep up the creative, talented writting and you will succeed.

With Love and serenity,
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Genuine_Canadian_Man

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

2 posted 2002-10-27 03:54 PM

i liked this, but not as much as ive liked some of your other pieces. the imagery was lovely and it was a nicely strong piece. this was my fav lil bit:

quote:
gentle chilling memories flood back as screams escape
pillars of life’s lessons come back to haunt you
always standing before you a castle of threads
attached to forsaken needles

influenced by brian a bit are we?

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

Getting away, isn't Running away.

"The hurt that you try to hide, is killing me."

PoeticGoddessOfDepression
Member

since 2002-07-02

Posts 439
I am everywhere

3 posted 2002-10-27 06:03 PM

I am awe...
This is wonderful.

Surreal
Junior Member

since 2002-10-21

Posts 35
Paris

4 posted 2002-10-28 07:04 AM

The imagery in this was really good, however just one little bit of critisicm: it was almost an overload at times because you used so many words to describe one thing.

Overall though, a wonderful piece.

Glory is a silent thing-- Mineral

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

5 posted 2002-10-28 11:12 AM

I'm going to agree that you went a bit overboard with the images from place to place. I had a hard time pinning down the meaning of this poem, because you were pretty much all over the place with your descriptions.

Still loved the poem, Miss Riley. You never fail to impress me with your work.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

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