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Teen Poetry #6
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I throw it all away
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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I throw it all away |
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Deep_Inside Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 377i can't stop hiding |
sorry bout spelling, i suck finding everything i want i throw it all away i turn my back in it i destroy it everything i worked for deatroyed then i get depressed i wine about it for a while i get sad depressed angry i start thinking i don't want to live but things go on and i start to rebuild i make a new life i find more people find more and more trying to make my life hole agian and i get it all but then i get depressed i wine for a while then i throw it all away |
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| © Copyright 2002 Matt - All Rights Reserved | |||
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Matt- You don't suck because you think you can't spell. ^^; You only suck if the rest of the world sucks with you, yes? Haha, that was bad...o_O; *ish a bad influensh* XD However...(I hate lecturing people about this) spelling is crucial in a poem to communicate your message. As well, people will know you took the time to make sure everything was spelled correctly, because if you take the time to care about how you spell, they will also take the time to care about what they read. ^_^; I hate being a pain, but: "deatroyed" Obviously, you know how to spell "destroy" because you spelled it correctly two lines before. I know it was a typo, but perhaps you could read it over before you post to make sure typos like that don't make it look like you were lazy. oO; and: "wine" I think you meant "whine" ^^; If unsure about the spelling of a word, look it up in a dictionary, or choose another word from a thesaurus or a thesaurus-type thing. ^_^; One more critique: The repetitive use of some words, such as "depressed" make the poem sound...repetitive. oO; You want to keep the reader as interested as possible, so instead of using "depressed" all the time, try "dejected" or "downcast" or something along those lines (ok, those were really bad examples. Hopefully, you have access to a thesaurus to beat my pitiful examples to shame). o_O; Besides all of that, you have potential as a writer, so keep at it! ^^ -Leah |
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Deep_Inside Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 377i can't stop hiding |
thanks for your reply i try to look over more of my poems |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Matt, I'm going to be honest and say I didn't like this as much as your other work... it seems like you wrote this without having any kind of point or main subject to it. The content is just a bunch of statements that leave the reader hanging, wondering where the poem is going... and then it's like you take it nowhere. I think you could give this poem a lot more impact if you made it have some kind of point to it... some specific thing you want to express. Just my opinion. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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