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"Untitled" (Return of the evil hideous muse)
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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"Untitled" (Return of the evil hideous muse) |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
'Pon the midnight world of stars. She wasn't a dancer, nor was she a folk Yet her scars, they shone so much brighter. Her eyes, they have seen so much more than a tree Whose swing was alone swinging silent. And the children who once laughed a song, Breathed the air Were gone for the moment, long ago. A town on a hill where the lamposts were lit Dreamed a dream that had haunted her soul. There, the children had gone, and left her Alone And the trees, they have lost their charm. So she ran away, ran away, ran away home Where her heart and her soul had left Long ago And her love and her life had far to go So she ran away, ran away... "Run away, Home." * * * * * Long time no write. ^^ Crazy beast of a server! Well, it doesn't matter. It's all fixed now...^^ *baps computer* Hope you enjoyed the poem! ^_^; -Leah |
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| © Copyright 2002 chasing rain - All Rights Reserved | |||
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holatuwol Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72California, USA |
I am horrible at detecting subtle rhymes, and so I honestly don't know if you were serious when you said there was no rhyme scheme. Oo; I did notice, however, that there is sugoi flow (yes, sugoi flow!) and I absolutely love the way the poem reads throughout. It's just absolutely fun reading it over and over again in your mind... it's one of those cute poems that you can never get tired of reading. Well, I guess I could get tired of reading it... Oo; The poem mostly reads as a wistful poem (which makes it a fun read!)... except the lines "There, the children had gone, and left her / Alone" looked too deliberate, and bugged me beyond belief. Oo; I'm not sure why... maybe I have issues... but those lines really stood out and interrupted the way the poem echoed. Otherwise, it would have been one of those poems that you'd also read aloud constantly... but, as it is, I can only read it four times a time aloud before wondering why those lines bother me so. Four times, yesh. XD The imagery in this poem is superb. Long time no write, indeed... your abilities in creating imagery are still awe-inspiring, and easily something that would induce random worship from poets looking to master the art of creating imagery. Except, of course, the image of children leaving... that wasn't a wistful-passive enough image... too much deliberation in that image painting... *hisses at the two lines* *has a life, really!* ^^;; Overall, though, that was an absolutely wonderful poem, and it was unbelievably fun reading and rereading. It was oozing with cuteness and absolute gorgeous-ness. ^_^ It might even be good enough to call "evil hideous"... *considers* Almost, although those two lines ARE evil hideous in a different sense. ^_~ I sulk in the shadow of your brilliance Leah. That and... *thwaps Leah repeatedly with an EXTRA large textbook and cues the helicopter to drop grandfather clocks on Leah to squish her into a dime!* *buries the dime-shaped remains with sakura* *bwahaha* - holatuwol |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
Yes Mc, you do have issues. But that could be why we love your evil hideousness.  oh and, *smacks you with a reed flute* dont hit mah le~ah. LE~AH!! I missed you so. *squishes* beautiful write dear, beautiful. you make me jealous.  it did seem wistful and endearing. and one of the main parts that -i- liked about it, is the one that Minhchau didnt. the 'line / Alone' bit. *forgot the actuall -line-. *ahem* anyways moving along. the imagery was wonderful and the flow was just so.. lilt-ish. *creates a new word* and blah. i just loved it! so good to be seeing youre shtuff again dear. post more, yes! *rambled in her gushing* *peck* wub you tiff “A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.” |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I enjoyed this poem. It's nice to see you posting again. You have been missed.  This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
*runs and jumps on Leah* 'ello! A lovely return to Passions you have made, yep yep, it's a lovely return. Heh - seriously, this piece has such a calming effect. You read it and it feels like some sort of odd floating has begun. Maybe that's just me.  Anyway, loved it. Then again, I love all of your writing, don't I? Hmm...more! I've missed your writing so damn much. 'tis beautiful, muffin. Jeez - haven't called you that in a while. *runs* Yes, praise bin liners and all sorts. I loved it, you know I did so post some more so we can be happy chappies.  ~AF~ Anti Lemming Crusader - Fight against the conformity! |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
EVIL HIDEOUS CUTE PEOPLE!!! XD It's good to be back...but it feels better to not have to bruise the hands from repeated bapping of evil hideous computer (which are NOT cute). ^^ *was pip deprived* MC- You evil hideous man (yes...MAN)! Do you honestly think that I will believe you when you claim you have a life? Do you think I believe it is safe for you to handle computers AND machinery for fun (re: AMC)? NO! and NO! Therefore, you have issues. ^^ Does that make me feel better? Hai! XD *enjoyed the sakura burial* Tiff!- Ah, the wonders of Tiff. And the protection! Think of the protection! XD *likes being protected* ^^ I always value your opinion, and even if MC didn't like those two lines, it was there for a reason. *nod* Obviously, you have more reason than MC, ne? *snickers* *mm...chocolate* JAVI? - You grew out your hair! YOU GREW OUT YOUR HAIR! *glares* Ah well, I've missed pip more than pip has missed me because I believe the oldies are now outnumbered...o_O; Not that I'm an oldie. Uhm...*borrows a cane* EJ- EJ! You're alive! Pip is alive! Woohoo! ^_^ You know, I think we could develop a new philosophy of life: Life is good when we are all happy chappies. XD I love that! Happy chappies...^_^ Hehe. Thank you all for replying. ^^ Even if you are evil hideously cute. ^^ |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Nicely composed! Now, promise to make posting here a habit? Tyhla du dra piyd uv so seht! |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
i think i speak for everyone when i say these waters just aren't as warm without you. i do enjoy your work muchly. please keep posting.  /jen/ what if they gave a war, and nobody came... |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
You know why I miss reading your work, Leah? Because you always write in the same mood as your theme... your style, your vocab... always seem to really suit whatever it is that you're writing about. It's something I can always expect when reading your work. Like this one... first, the description of the night. You describe it so solemnly, with such a cool, serene element... things like "moon cast its glow" all help this. Next, all the descriptions of the children and swings on trees... and throughout this part, you use things like "ran away, ran away, ran away home" or "on a hill" or "left her alone," phrases that are familiar to young children, and sound almost storybook-ish. Have missed your writing a great deal, Leah. Give your muse a kiss for me.  Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
MOOOO!!!  hey le-uh darling *waves* Where have you been hiding? I mean one server being down and out isnt a good enough of an excuse chickita! *taps foot*Well, about the poem; it isnt quite Halloween yet, but it haunted me. I swear I'm not that little girl in the woods!! No, although I'm not her, I could identify with it very well. Nicely written (as usual), perhaps your muse should come and visit me sometime?  Are you scared? |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
you're still one of my favorites as always, I'm in awe là où est mon amour? |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Leah~ Great to see you posting again, and with such a wonderfully written poem too. I always enjoy reading your work, and I hope to see lots more from you.  ~Vicky P.S. Don't forget to check out Teen Challenge #2! "...until you have read the verse on his heart, you have not truly met the poet. ~vlraynes [This message has been edited by vlraynes (11-05-2002 12:05 PM).] |
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