True Light (Challenge #1) - pipTalk Forums

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PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

0 posted 2002-10-22 02:51 PM

A day beyond memory,
a day beyond time.
No one, not I, even knows.
Changed my life,
my soul, my all,
but twas too many years ago,
too little yet come.
Every day lived out,
every moment felt deep.
Since that day,
I felt true light.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2002-10-22 10:06 PM

I wanted this to be longer, felt like a story unfolding

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-10-23 11:06 AM

I'm with SEA... this reads more like an introductory stanza than a poem. You really should have gone further with it...

I only say that because I do like this and want to see where it's going.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2002-10-23 01:19 PM

Yeah I'm actually going to have to do something I hate doing- agree.

Whoever those weirdos above are, they are right.

Look into that, the poem could be a true master piece if you do.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

Tamma

Senior Member

since 2000-01-17

Posts 794
In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV

4 posted 2002-10-24 05:14 PM

*sigh* I agree, too...

Have you ever heard that "No shirt, No shoes" rule? My question is...Why doesn't that rule include pants?

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

5 posted 2002-10-25 01:03 AM

Hi, Titus.
While I do agree that this COULD be expanded
on, if you wanted to do so, I still enjoyed it.
I believe I understand what you're saying in
this piece, and with that in mind, the brevity
of the poem is somewhat effective.
LP paralleled it to an 'introductory stanza'.
If my interpretation is accurate, then he is
quite correct. It is an introductory stanza
to the rest of your life.
More specific details wouldn't hurt, but I think
you've said a lot, just in these few lines.
Glad you decided to participate in the challenge, my friend.
Nicely done.
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes
[This message has been edited by vlraynes (10-25-2002 01:04 AM).]

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

6 posted 2002-10-26 04:17 PM

"A life unexamined is not worth living."
-Socrates

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