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Hallucination
Member

since 2001-03-18

Posts 419

0 posted 2002-10-22 10:24 AM

"Angel Fly Down"
(10/21/02)
© 2002 Brian Eggertsen, All Rights Reserved

Intro
I miss you, I miss you Angel....

Verse 1
Sitting on a bench in a garden surrounded by roses.
All though beautiful's uzing all around me there's no closenes.
Don't know which way to turn, all the bridges they burn.
So angel....Angel,

Chorus
Won't you fly down,
And lead me to a safer place.
Angel fly down,
And protect me with your grace.
Time won't go on,
Now that you're gone.
Angel fly down...into my arms, again!

I miss you, I miss you Angel.

Verse 2
Our argument trickert you to take your eyes off of the road.
They said they couldn't figure out what caused the crash but I know.
You were still fighting with me, but it's too late for sorry.
But angel...Angel,

Chorus
Won't you fly down,
And lead me to a safer place.
Angel fly down,
And protect me with your grace.
Time won't go on,
Now that you're gone.
Angel fly down...into my arms, again!

I miss you, I miss you Angel.

Bridge
I weren't ready for goodbye
And I'm still not,
I don't want to let you go
You're all I got.
So much I took for granted
I won't re-live,
Keep telling me to move on
But I'm just not fit...

Verse 3
To leave the love of my life behind the way that they want me to.
Angel we had some great years together I'll remember you.
With each falling snowfleck, each morn' when I awake.
Though angel...Angel

Won't you fly down,
And lead me to a safer place.
Angel fly down,
And protect me with your grace.
Time won't go on,
Now that you're gone.
Angel fly down...into my arms, again!
Won't you fly down,
And lead me to a safer place.
Angel fly down,
And protect me with your grace.
Time won't go on,
Now that you're gone.
Angel fly down...into my arms, again!

Outtro
I miss you, I miss you angel,
(repeat til fade)

SailorFirebird
Junior Member

since 2002-10-21

Posts 16
15 Miles North of NoWhere

1 posted 2002-10-22 01:57 PM

wow, i like. very intriguing. very nice.

Not all days are happy, but always remember that a bad day will be followed by a better one.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2002-10-23 12:55 PM

I liked it. The whole angel thing, though, is over played. I can't stand hearing or writing about angels, or how a girl is my angel haha. But anyway, good song!

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

3 posted 2002-10-23 01:53 PM

Javier's right about the angel thing.  But I think you could do it well if you didn't overplay the whole "angel" motif quite so much throughout the poem... you could try to just lean towards it in some places and omit it from your title, and probably come up with something a lot more original.

As it stands, this song has probably already been written a dozen times or so.  Try to bring more of your own ideas into your work, instead of taking one common idea and running with it.

Just my own opinion.  Your writing is good, and your knowledge of song structure is excellent... it's only the content that you need to work on.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

dinky
Member

since 2002-10-19

Posts 258

4 posted 2002-10-23 07:03 PM

hey,
i really liked this
it was really sad but really good
keep writin cant wait to read more
~sam~

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