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Teen Poetry #6
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night time
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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night time |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz 
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[[quick note, this was all cherish's fault. her comment of a 'quiet night' made this flood out of my fingers. thanks.]] The light as bright as it had been, soaking through my soggy toast twelve hours ago. Or was it ten? ...Itallmeltstogethernow. This is night, and you’re supposed to be sleeping. After all, the cart brought the daisy cup and the phone call gave the bitter oral-death orange juice. [it just never did taste the same as at home]. The clock ticks on, and the watchers search their words, [their brains] to piece it all together. The faded and worn valentine’s day decorations cling to the wall. Trying desperately not to slip away. [Everything else does around here]. And secretly [you know all too well] they despise you. They could be tucked away in their own little world breathing, and eating, heart beating, next to the love you wish you had. Instead, they’re stuck here. An eight-hour prisoner [they don't seem to realise you're here for life]. Drowning in the sea of nauseating pastel greens and purples. And plastic forks and spoons. [You have to sign out the knives]. And it’s all your fault. [[[this was a ramble poem. but oh well.]]] /jen/ what if they gave a war, and nobody came... |
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| © Copyright 2002 jennifer elizabeth - All Rights Reserved | |||
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clumsy Member
since 2002-10-10
Posts 106canada. |
sometimes rambling poems, say what you need to say. this was beautiful. |
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Marshalzu 
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
I think I'll have to read this a few more times before I come close to understanding it but wow there is some great imagery here, I just loved it, you say it's a rambling poem but I think it's very cleverly constructed, thanks for sharing it with us  Andrew |
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Surreal Junior Member
since 2002-10-21
Posts 35Paris |
I can't say that I understood this piece, but I can say that I absolutely love your style. Not only the way it's presented but the flow and imagery and word choice were all amazing. I always enjoy more abstract pieces of writing and this was definitely a good read. |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
This is quite obviously a ramble poem as you stated. Your ideas come out in a bit of a jumble, but it doesn't matter... seriously... it doesn't matter.  This poem is pitch dark, I'm in love with the images you present... namely the valentine's day decorations... heh. Tons of great description, naturally. Second person really adds to the dark of the poem, too, by making the subject seem more oblivious. Oh, and I love how you tie your thoughts together with your environment. Like, oral-death orange juice... Very nice work as usual, Jen. I'd expect no less. Be happy. Learn to place poetry before people |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
I'm really beginning to enjoy your style, Gwen. It's so... unique. It's like... a drama/thriller movie...."The light as bright as it had been, soaking through" Mmmmm.... I love tasty poems. This one's rather scrumpous. "The faded and worn valentine’s day decorations cling to the wall. Trying desperately not to slip away. [Everything else does around here]." My my. SIncerely, Titus "My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems." |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Hey hey I don't believe that this is a ramble poem, Jen. To me, there seems to be a lot of hidden symbolism in here that not everyone would catch onto immediately. For instance, quote: This sounds very much like a unit of some sort if you get my drift. The whole thing does. Actually, it's more like you're trapped in a world that tries to cover up that it is exactly like a lock-down. The "Eight hour prisnor" line reminds me very much of the activities (enter the laughter) because you're there, working through everything in those eight hours and trying to piece it together. I'm getting a ton of meanings out of this so bear with me. It could also mean that being "stuck here for life" is simply a way of all these events being a daily occurence in your mind which makes it then seem like another place that I know you already know I'm thinking of. quote: That part caught me off guard. I was expecting a hard hitting finish and this really did it for me alone with the next lines. Like I said, I'm getting a lot of meanings out of this and as such my interpretation is a little jumbled but overall I can't find this to be a ramble piece. It runs too well together to be considered that way. I loved it. It's going in the library and I do believe that I owe you an email so when I get back, it's coming your way. The Anti-Lemming Crusader Anti Lemming Crusader - Fight against the conformity! |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I really liked this poem but felt that at some points you lost it and just thought of the first thing in your mind and posed it as symbolic. However, most of this poem completely rocked and I loved it to death. Very well done here. If there are your rambles, I'd hate to compete with you in a poetic discussion.  This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
oh liz. it is a lockdown. nice pickup. but then again, i always expect you to understand my words.  /jen/ what if they gave a war, and nobody came... |
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