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lil cherry
Member

since 2002-10-02

Posts 86
Ont, Can.

0 posted 2002-10-20 03:22 PM

My heart lies on the floor still beating
Waiting for you to pick it up and restore it to its natural place
Tears pool around my feet
A river for you to block
To damn and conserve
You’re missing, you’re gone
I’m left waiting and wondering
Hoping you will return to me
Praying that you will return at all
Stars flicker and disappear from our view
Rivers flow around a bend and disappear
Smoke rises in the air and disappears
But people don’t
My savior is my hunter
You’re the one who tore my heart out
Now you slowly squeeze it in your hand
Your fingers gripping it tightly
I was given reassurances
But even they were ripped away from my grasp
Your voice is distant
It’s missing its familiar warmth
Did you forget about me?
Or did you just not care?
Maybe I’m overreacting
Perhaps you didn’t know the importance
The pain still resides in the pit of my soul
A fire burning, destroying everything around it
Only the sweet kiss of a genuine love can stifle it
My heart is slowly turning black and losing hope
Giving up on the idea that fire can be stopped
It’s left to rage on
Turning me heartless
Singeing all areas of my soul
Have you betrayed me?
Or am I just feeding the fire?
Every beat of my heart,
Clear as a drum
Says your name, gives me more pain
Was I too fast to choose you?
Did I make a mistake?
I was blinded
All logic disappeared when I met you
Did I drive you to this?
Please soothe my thoughts with the truth
Lies are always discovered
I’m not giving up on you yet
But you need to prove to me that that’s the right thing to do
Flames, drumming, crying, screaming
You must bring all of them to an end

Android 17

Senior Member

since 2001-07-21

Posts 664
Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-10-20 06:57 PM

Woah! This poem his close to home...

Wow! I loved this! In a wonderful poem---you've described about one years worth of emotion for me! Heh.

What I've learned though...is that although "they" might be the only ones to give you the cures you need, it's not them---but YOU that needs to administer them...

E muja oui, "Hyweyr". Pavune E lyh raym ouin byeh, E ryja du kad ujan so ufh...

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2002-10-21 11:32 AM

Not too long

The ending sounds reasonable. Any smart guy would be like "sure!"
I liked the poem a lot. It's sort of like you're putting your foot down. No more crap. Good way of thinking.
nicely done.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

3 posted 2002-10-21 01:21 PM

I was drawn to your use of scattered questions throughout the piece. It isn't too long, actually, I found it to be of quite an average length... maybe longer than what you usually post, though.

This was written well enough to carry its own weight. Good work.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

lil cherry
Member

since 2002-10-02

Posts 86
Ont, Can.

4 posted 2002-10-21 09:02 PM

thanks guys, this is the style i usually write in actually, and it just looked long on the message board really. i think that using questions really draws in the reader more, plus they're usually addressed to someone even if i never expect them to read it. thanks again.
~~*lil cherry*~~

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