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Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

0 posted 2002-10-20 10:50 AM

dust cradles envied hate
from years tallied on the old walls
height marks show age and beauty
upon the old mansion that barely stands
like a newborn child it totters back and forth
swaying on the foundation of America
old stairs creak and groan with weight
applied by toys left so long ago
dishes forgotten like the Titanic
sit resting beside forks and spoons
all coated with maggots and larva
feeding off all left over food
in rooms abundant beds lay motionless
a thousand years or more of unsleepless nights
make-up covers the counters of defense
protecting them against all other egos
water leaks through the the forgotten faults
rotting the old boards of life
it sits alone in the woods
covered and shocked
and once again alone
for a thousand other years
or more

~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~

EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

1 posted 2002-10-20 10:57 AM

Nice imagery, it reminded me of Great Expectations by Dickens.... Just the idea of that old lady, still in her wedding dress. Sorry, I'm being a snotty Literature student here....

Well done on this one Riley!
Ellie *)

"Last night, I had a dream that I went to the doctors, and she gave me eight minutes to live. I'd spent thirty minutes in the [edited by moderator] waiting room"- S

[This message has been edited by quietlydying (10-20-2002 07:33 PM).]

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

2 posted 2002-10-20 11:14 AM

Wow! I really enjoyed this and loved how a got a clear distinct picture in my head. The great discription was amazing, i'm in awe.
Hehe. YAY for you
~Laura~

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

3 posted 2002-10-20 12:04 PM

Hey Everybody

Thankies to you all for replying.....

I'm so touched thanks a lot seriously!!!!!!!

Riley

~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2002-10-21 10:58 AM

I liked it there. Thought you did well with this poem

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

5 posted 2002-10-21 01:01 PM

Why'd you remove your photo, Ri? I thought it was a really cool pic.

As for the poem, well... it is really creative... I'm in love with the creaky house image... reminded me of one of those scary movies.

Masterful imagery and strong vocabulary. Another Riley poem.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

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