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Teen Poetry #6
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challenge number one
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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challenge number one |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz 
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Longing for that twenty four of perfection, I trip and stumble and sob a little, in the corner bathroom stall. Drowned in darkness with the chipped brick greying just as fast as my mother’s hair. [Secretly I miss her a little, but shhhh... don't say a word They think I'm just too angry.] Recently released and desperately longing to melt and seep through the cracks, they helped me down. [but You didn't]. You kept knocking and knocking [and knocking] until I finally opened the door. What could it have been? I think you know. [I know you know]. No one's ever seen the inside of the cat lady's house. [They say she's crazy]. The country spread before our very eyes, you helped me tack my words to the board. And I must tell you, that I had never felt so loved then I did that day, when you put your arm around me and held me close, the very first time. And though since then I've burned three calendars, and caught a few more glimpses from the gurney, I love you more and more each and every day. You tied my shoes, and put me back on my feet [so I wouldn't trip so easily]. Sometimes I still wonder why you love me. But you’re always there reminding me, your words spoken by your deep brown eyes. You are my mother, though we didn’t meet until I was fifteen. [[[i know, my original intent was to write about that one day. and i did, i just ended up elaborating on the circumstances, so the reader would get a little more of an understanding. i know this is definitely not my best piece, seeing as it is one of my most rushed pieces, but i don't think anyone could understand the extent of the emotion. oh yes, and i've already told the subject exactly how i feel. i tell her everything.]]] /jen/ at first i wondered why white oleander was in the six dollar bargain bin. |
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| © Copyright 2002 jennifer elizabeth - All Rights Reserved | |||
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clumsy Member
since 2002-10-10
Posts 106canada. |
hmmmm. i really really really really really did i say really? liked this. |
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anya Member
since 2002-07-27
Posts 393London, UK |
I really did enjoy the raw emotion of this piece, it shone through, it did seem to jump around a bit,if you know what I mean but I don't think that really matters because you still manage to get your point across very well, Anya |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
i liked the emotion in this piece, it was very well put through...thanks for the read. Ri ~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~ |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
I just want to state how much I liked this part: [Secretly I miss her a little, but shhhh... don't say a word They think I'm just too angry.] It's not the most poetic thing I've read in my life, but the truthful simplicity of it, and the almost childlike honesty just floors me. Casey *Who is apparently in a sentimental mood this morning* |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
I just read your email then came here and read this. It's truly one of the most sentimental pieces I have read in a forum that seems to produce crud like it's free beer. This woman sounds like she's done you nothing but the world of good and I envy your ability to let a teacher in. It's wonderfully written with pretty much everything I would expect from you. I'll reply to your email probably tomorrow. The demons in their slumber vipers are chasing me down to the land of Nod. See - I'm going crazy.  haha...The Anti-Lemming Crusader "No hesitation, no delay |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Jen~ I read this shortly after you posted it last night. Then I read it again...and again. Later, I came back and read it a couple more times. Now...I'm back to read it, yet again, and this time actually TRY to reply to it.  This is amazing writing, Jen. There is so much emotion and heart in this piece. I honestly felt this right along with you as I read. You started with a simple challenge and took it to a much higher level, and for that, I applaud you. I'm glad to know that you have such a special person in your life and that she has taught you what it feels like to be loved. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing this piece. Hugs,  ~Vicky P.S. Welcome to the moderating team. "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I felt it......wow. This was amazing. It's the kind of writing you really can't critique because it's too good, and filled with emotion. Loved it....loved it a lot.  This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
hey, look everyone... Jen's writing a happy poem... let's all point and laugh at her!  Seriously, loved this... you didn't let the fact that it's a "happy day" hamper your style in any way. I'm envious that you were able to comply with this challenge and meanwhile, sustain the power of your poetry... Very nice work, Jen.  Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
I decided to poke my head in. Glad that I did. Missing this would have sucked, although if I had missed it I wouldn't have known any better. Damn the ignorance. Email me sometime. My box is a little pissed right now, you know? I got an email from somebody trying to sell me fur coats. So you see, it could use a cooling. Sanity is in itself enough to make you insane. |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
i must say a quick thank you to EVERYONE for replying. i was rather apprehensive at first to post something sooooo personal to me. but i'm really glad i did, seeing as you really did understand the magnitude of the emotion. thanks again. ::smiles:: /jen/ at first i wondered why white oleander was in the six dollar bargain bin. and then i read it. [This message has been edited by quietlydying (10-20-2002 01:22 AM).] |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
I'm heading off, and I want to give the poem it's proper due, so I'll read it tommorrow or Monday, when I can give it my full focus. Just wanted to say, looking forward to it, and, why has no one mentioned the new picture?  Sincerely, Titus "My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems." |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Titus - maybe if you came around more often you'd know she's had that picture up for a long time... |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
oh one more thing. casey, that is exactly how i intended it to be. i wanted to portray it as childlike and primal as i could. i'm almost thrilled you picked up on that. /jen/ to give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer. [ghandi] |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
*chuckles at LP* Jen (Gwen didn't stick, did it?), I'm glad I came back to read this. It was lovely. It had a.... a wonderful feel to it. A warm breeze, twas it. Sincerely, Titus "My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems." |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
i got bored of gwen. right now i'm thinking of being a jena. heh. /jen/ to give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer. [ghandi] |
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