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Darkness
Member

since 2002-10-17

Posts 202
The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies.

0 posted 2002-10-18 03:38 PM

My thaughts spill upon the page,
Bleed the scriptures from my hand, and
Tell me who I am.
Build wall around my inner self, and
Turn and walk away.

Send me a sign of things to come,
Build sculpures of myself inside, and
Remember who I am.
The sculptures are smashed in anger, and
I turn and walk away.

Breeding a new disease in my head,
The virus takes over my mind, and
I can't think of who I am.
It brings out the agony I have, and
I turn and run away.

Running from my problems,
Seems like the only answer, and
I am ashamed of who I am
Running, Running, I trip and fall, and
I get up and stagger away.

Alone, face down in the sand,
Dead and rotting corpse, and
I dream of who I am.
Caught within the wisper of the coastal wind, and
My spirit drifts away.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2002-10-18 08:19 PM

I liked this one, especially the ending.
It was amazing, seriously.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

Android 17

Senior Member

since 2001-07-21

Posts 664
Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-10-19 01:57 AM

I'm with Javier---the ending was amazing...

E muja oui, "Hyweyr". Pavune E lyh raym ouin byeh, E ryja du kad ujan so ufh...

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

3 posted 2002-10-19 05:00 PM

Very powerful work... the descriptions were perfect. I liked where you stumbled, stood and staggered away... that was a really cool image.

Thoroughly enjoyed this poem, I have nothing to critique about it. A truly proud accomplishment.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Darkness
Member

since 2002-10-17

Posts 202
The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies.

4 posted 2002-10-19 11:39 PM

Once again I'd like to thank you for the nice words, as soon as one pops in my head again I'll be sure to post it.

Pollita
Member

since 2002-07-25

Posts 220
the unknown realm of insanity

5 posted 2002-10-24 04:04 PM

I LOVE THIS!/...
This is going into my library with ALL the rest of your work that i can find!...
Keep writing and thank you for sharing

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