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Passions in Poetry

Troublesome 03'

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ShadyMakaveli
Member
since 08-21-2002
Posts 129


0 posted 10-18-2002 01:19 AM       View Profile for ShadyMakaveli   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for ShadyMakaveli

Watching the tears flow
Days passing even faster
Love will I ever know
Life complete with disasters

Mishaps with no upside
Another cloudy day
I hide, alone I cried
At night I pray

Hoping things will change
Circumstances i can't explain
Can't live life the same
All I do is complain

Never ceasing an opportunity
Insecurities plague me
A person I never wanted to be
Now down on one knee

Begging for my chance
To finally be content
Experience some romance
Escape this horrid torment

No more lonely nights
Need someone to show my love
Will that make things right
Cause it's you I think of


© Copyright 2002 ShadyMakaveli - All Rights Reserved
SuperSonic
Junior Member
since 10-17-2002
Posts 16
Northern Ireland


1 posted 10-18-2002 09:03 AM       View Profile for SuperSonic   Email SuperSonic   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SuperSonic

Geez this poem brings back memories, from not that long ago either.  A stirring and visual take on the depressive teen psyche.  Well done!
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


2 posted 10-18-2002 11:21 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

You rocked with the interlocking rhyme scheme here, Shady.  I especially like the final stanza, you ended on a very strong note.

Well done.  Probably one of your best.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
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Member Laureate
since 08-30-2000
Posts 15536
San Juan, Puerto Rico


3 posted 10-18-2002 07:17 PM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

I liked it, but not as much as some of the work that I have read from you. The style kind of reminds me of just a bunch of sentence fragments. It was nicely put together, though, and I did like that.
Hope to see more.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

ShadyMakaveli
Member
since 08-21-2002
Posts 129


4 posted 10-19-2002 02:55 PM       View Profile for ShadyMakaveli   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ShadyMakaveli

Thank you guys for the response, it's most appreciated! anyone else?
kadafi09
Member
since 06-17-2003
Posts 146
California, United States


5 posted 11-22-2003 11:53 AM       View Profile for kadafi09   Email kadafi09   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kadafi09

beautiful work. loved the reference to 'pac's work in the title. you have true talent.
 
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