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Teen Poetry #6
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boy and his spirit
Junior Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 41
within my heart

0 posted 2002-10-15 11:40 PM


I love you
on the floor
I am four

© Copyright 2002 Bertram Frûnksëm - All Rights Reserved
quietlydying
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz
1 posted 2002-10-15 11:57 PM


i have absolutely no idea what to think.

give me a few minutes.

but i just wanted to say welcome to passions.

/jen/

at first i wondered why white oleander was in the six dollar bargain bin.

and then i read it.

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
2 posted 2002-10-16 12:30 PM


Nice boyo.
Loved the four.
My tongue's in your cheek now.

Hope it wasnt a post of your girlfriend's though.

Welcome boy!


Do some good and go on a replying spree...



Are you scared?              BOO! Are you now?

quietlydying
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz
3 posted 2002-10-16 01:11 AM


and i'm back.

i did enjoy the simplicity of this piece.  but i do wonder.  thanks for sharing.

good write.

/jen/

at first i wondered why white oleander was in the six dollar bargain bin.

and then i read it.

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
4 posted 2002-10-16 12:57 PM


Don't show this to your girlfriend.  She may get mad at you for all the depth.  

I like this... I interpereted it thusly... "on the floor, I am four" is narrative of your feelings of dismemberment, as though you are laying on the floor in pieces (four).  I think that it relates to your title in that "I am for" runs parallel to "I am four," as a homonym... but... one means, "this is my purpose," and the other suggests, "this is my terrible fate."  A great contradiction.

To say "I love you; on the floor" sort of implies that you are resilient, and love this person even when you lie dismembered, in pieces...

I'm not sure why you chose the number "four."  Maybe you didn't even mean "I am broken into pieces," maybe it was just my sore interperetation.  

Welcome to Passions.  Hope to see more of you in here.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
5 posted 2002-10-16 06:41 PM


Wel-
com-e
to
Pa-s-sions

Nic      e
but I'
d

li-ke to re-a
d

m-ore from you n/ext
time

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

Jester
Junior Member
since 2002-08-13
Posts 41
The dark corners of your mind
6 posted 2002-10-16 08:28 PM


This was amazingly simple.  You're the kind of writer I aspire to be.  I love the way you got your point across in 9 words...along with many different possible interpretations such as those found by local parasite.  I hope to be seeing you around here more often and you should check out some of the others poetry...perhaps post a few replies.  Great poem.    
Jester

I am your God, will you kill me now or shall I be continually suicidal?

paintbrusher
New Member
since 2002-08-07
Posts 2

7 posted 2002-10-16 08:46 PM


wow.
just wow.

you are so deep. this is just amazing. holy hell. that is a great poem. I'm sure it took a long time to pour your heart and soul into.

welcome to passions.

Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
8 posted 2002-10-16 09:59 PM


Ok before i scrolled down all i read was " i love you on the floor"
made me think gutter thoughts
then you said"I am four" so i got lost

anyways welcome to passions.

Regina

clumsy
Member
since 2002-10-10
Posts 106
canada.
9 posted 2002-10-16 11:16 PM


-ponders this poem- nope... still don't know what to think... but i like it anyways so smile, your loved by meeee.
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