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EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

0 posted 2002-10-15 02:35 PM

Soft leather strings
Tied around my hand and your foot.

Staring into the rolling sky
(at least ten thousand acres)
and you should be up there.

You turn to give me that pleading look.
Again (always works).

Always care.
Always be here.
Always say sorry.

(but you won't and never will)

I tug at the strings
(loosen)
Let go
(fly).

And off you go (there she is you two always look cute together guess three's always a crowd).

You both soar off together
(go with my blessings).

I watch you and smile, proud of my letting go.
Then I get out my shotgun.

"Last night, I had a dream that I went to the doctors, and she gave me eight minutes to live. I'd spent thirty minutes in the [edited by moderator] waiting room"- S

[This message has been edited by quietlydying (10-20-2002 07:24 PM).]

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-10-15 03:11 PM

NICE twist in the end. I can't get over that... it blew me away, no pun intended... heehee...

I love how this was written, Eleanor! You really wrote it extremely well, especially the fluid nature of the parts that were in parentheses... you wrote them like they would have been thought, not spoken... I really enjoyed reading this.

Truly great work.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

2 posted 2002-10-15 06:05 PM

I love it! The ending is sick and twisted enough even for me! I'm probably going to get in trouble for that one... *grins* Great write, keep it up!

clumsy
Member

since 2002-10-10

Posts 106
canada.

3 posted 2002-10-15 09:48 PM

oh wow... i loved LOVED the ending. this poem reminded me of the ones in the book "you reminded me of you" i won't be getting this poem out of my head for awhile...
beautiful.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

4 posted 2002-10-16 01:00 AM

Again, another wonderful write El. I know the situation- letting go so that he can be happy and they always seem to suit each other more then the two of you ever did. BUt it hurts and sometimes makes you crazy..

Very much enjoyed there chicka. Keep posting!

Are you scared? BOO! Are you now?

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

5 posted 2002-10-16 01:02 AM

oh...loved the use of the leather strap too...thought that that was mucho clever.

Are you scared?

BOO! Are you now?

[This message has been edited by cherish (10-16-2002 01:03 AM).]

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2002-10-17 04:31 PM

Haha I really liked this one!! The ending was great! Actually everything about this poem rocked. Everything led up to the ending rather well. The hunter....nice hehe

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

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