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Teen Poetry #6
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ineveraskedyoutobleed.
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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ineveraskedyoutobleed. |
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clumsy Member
since 2002-10-10
Posts 106canada. |
Please darling please, Don't do it, please walk Back from whatever is Holding you down from believing In anything. ((I should have seen it sooner.)) And I want to save you But I don't know how Because even I can't save myself And I never asked you to bleed, Never asked you to scream Never asked you to believe in me. |
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| © Copyright 2002 jessyka. - All Rights Reserved | |||
Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I'm not really clear on what this refers to... I'd appreciate it if you could clarify. I did like the ending though... the enjambments worked nicely near the beginning to help the poem flow right along. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
"enjambments"  ....oh boy....I thought that this was ok...thanks for sharing clumsy  Are you scared? |
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clumsy Member
since 2002-10-10
Posts 106canada. |
well.. last night my girlfriend was really depressed and wanted to cut... this is my poem about it. that's about it really... |
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EleanorMoonbaby Member
since 2002-09-02
Posts 202England, UK |
OK, two things: 1. Your g/f is very lucky to have someone who cares. So many guys would just walk off in disgust *stares sadly out of the window reminiscing* Oops, where was I? Oh yeah, good for you. 2. The poem ruled, I loved the title. It conveyed a sense of helplessness. Good one. Ellie  |
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EleanorMoonbaby Member
since 2002-09-02
Posts 202England, UK |
OK, now I'll attempt to put this in my library. Still don't know how to work this thing! "Last night, I had a dream that I went to the doctors, and she gave me eight minutes to live. I'd spent thirty minutes in the [edited by moderator] waiting room"- S [This message has been edited by quietlydying (10-20-2002 07:36 PM).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Yeah this was a pretty great poem. You expressed the love for your friend rather well. I enjoyed this one.  This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
mmmmm... i love these words. you did a mighty fine job. there's almost a lyrical aspect to them if you ask me. and for my analogy of the day, it's like the honey in my tea. it sinks to the bottom of my mind and sticks there, spreading sugar throughout. though really all it is is bee vomit [experiencing the feelings that made you write it, the piece itself isn't vomit and i don't really feel like sticking my foot in my mouth again, as usual]. now misinterpret my words everyone!! come on!! it's fun!! excellent job clumsy, my favourite piece from you yet. /jen/ at first i wondered why white oleander was in the six dollar bargain bin. |
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