Impressions - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

clve527
Member

since 2002-07-08

Posts 200

0 posted 2002-10-13 09:33 PM

I gave the impression that I wanted this.
This polite embrace after our first meeting,
holding me with the knowledge
of the ensuing weather upon this river.

I must have hinted that I needed you
to walk over this still river to save me
from my self imposed tower
surrounded by the dragon of my past.

How wrong you were, you silly boy.

I know as I smirk and walk away:

what a fickle girl I am.

If all you want is emotion, go down to walmart, buy yourself a diary and hide it in a drawer where no one can see...

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2002-10-13 10:19 PM

Wow, I really liked this poem. The ending was pretty great, that last line...wowness.
Anyway, I just love the word 'fickle'...it's so great.
Nicely done here, truly.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

2 posted 2002-10-14 12:49 PM

Nice to see you back, Casey

I must say I enjoyed this one. I'm with Dopey on that last line; it worked for me.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

3 posted 2002-10-14 12:57 PM

"Fickle' made me think of Nelly Furtardo.

I liked this, the whole save the damsel in distress theme you had going on there. Sometimes men just dont get it- we're fine without em. Sometimes self -pity just doesnt mean that we need help, we just like wallowing in it for a bit. Nice write, enjoyed it heaps.

Are you scared? BOO! Are you now?

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

4 posted 2002-10-14 11:57 AM

Hey, Casey

  So we're finally seeing what you got, huh?

This isn't too bad at all, actually.  I liked the ending, but "dragon of my past" sounds a bit primitive.  It's kind of an elementary way to phrase a metaphor, "(noun) of my (noun)."

Also - "self imposed" should be "self-imposed."  When two words form a single adjective, a hyphen is required.

See you around, babe.

Parasite

[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (10-14-2002 11:57 AM).]

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.