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Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

0 posted 2002-10-13 11:34 AM

cold and dense
falling apart with each classic move
names being spoken with frosty goodness
glass shows the true being
icicles form in the air bitten room

pull me forth from the leaping death
may i be warmed by your smile
only frost nuken dreams
tears form and freeze with tender care
no clothes to cover my blue body

killing and willing to do
the nasty deed to be
cracking under the surpressed pressure
built up by time
broken down bit by bit by
bitterness

screams ring out with oprah* catch
falling quickly from celing* and ground
sprouts my hope frozen even as fast
and there i sit away from all frozen things
yet still i shiver with anticipation
of my next move
for this is all i have
to keep me warm

*=sp?

~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~

[This message has been edited by Riley (10-13-2002 11:35 AM).]

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

1 posted 2002-10-13 12:51 PM

wow that was awsome. I din't understand a word but it was really great!

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

2 posted 2002-10-13 04:27 PM

Riley, I have read this, but I will be back, cause I'm rather distracted at the moment.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2002-10-13 07:01 PM

I REALLY liked the poem, but I had to read a few parts over due to the lack of punctuation. I got lost, and I am sure others will as well. Maybe you should consider using periods, comas, and whatever else is required. It is a rule, and some poets like to pop out of standard grammar rules, but to the reader it poses a difficult time to read. Just a thought

Anyhow, the poem itself was pretty nicely done.
Looking forward to more.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

4 posted 2002-10-13 08:40 PM

Interesting. Very different.

My favor line is: "sprouts my hope frozen even as fast." I got from it the frozen chaos and sadness around you freezes any hope which sprouts before it has a chance to bloom.

the poem seems to go from an unavoidable and needed death to using the unknown of what will come next as fuel. Different. Good.

Sincerely,
Titus

Impulse Pro
Junior Member

since 2002-03-22

Posts 25
Mass,USA

5 posted 2002-10-13 08:42 PM

cool poem

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