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Teen Poetry #6
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pulling at strings.
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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pulling at strings. |
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clumsy Member
since 2002-10-10
Posts 106canada. |
this is where everything goes wrong this is my goodbye to you, although there was never really a hello this morning, we were invisible ghost's pulling at strings and we both can't see because our cold eyes fog over with regrets so now, i'll see you again this afternoon with a different view trying not to myself over by asking the most stupid questions and i'm not going to be the one who says sorry first because i'm so ing sick and tired of being the one to apologize and your nothing short of beautiful still imisseeveryshotthroughthenettedhoop and this is where everything goes wrong this is my goodbye to you, although there was never really a hello this morning, we were invisible ghost's pulling at strings and we both can't see because our cold eyes fog over with regrets so now, i'll see you again this afternoon with a different view trying not to myself over by asking the most stupid questions and i'm not going to be the one who says sorry first because i'm so ing sick and tired of being the one to apologize and your nothing short of beautiful still imisseeveryshotthroughthenettedhoop and my hands are tied can't pick up the phone anymore i don't want to feel i don't want this doubt of feeling in my soul i stay numb for the clearing of my insides out and it's eating away and why did i stop that day at 15 when i should have stopped until i dropped down six feet under so i will never tell you these things and i will rip this up and throw it in the fire as with my soul, which i've sold i've sold my soul so i can have no more sympathy but so i can have more apathy to rely on instead of you because, when you say you understand i know your ing high i know, your in his arms crying over how much you've thrown away well your one more thing that I've thrown away. ~asticks in place of swear words is strictly not allowed in the forums. Please review the guidelines you agreed to.~SEA/Moderator [This message has been edited by SEA (10-10-2002 12:53 PM).] |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Hey---Jessica...WHY DIDN'T YOU EVER TELL ME YOU WERE A NATURAL?!! This is actually REALLY well done---Mmmm, just wait for Local Parasite to pick this apart!  Lol, j/kWell, let me be the first to say--- WELCOME TO PASSIONS, JESSICA!!! Hehe! Mmmmm---and let me be the first to warn you, that those "****" reflect your potty mouth, and that's one image we dun want here---comprende? But I LOVE the somewhat cryptic metaphors you used in this---it REALLY suites you Jessie-Kitty! Nicely...nicely done! I actually enjoyed this! Keep at it! Your work will always be welcomed on my end! All I do, is think about you... |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I'm here at last! Thanks for the drumroll, Alex...  Well now, Clumsy, I do intend to give you a reply... but as you don't have a critique flag enabled, I can't give you a lot of specific feedback, exactly. First I have to be assured that you actually want someone to "pick apart" this poem, before I'm permitted to do so. I am sure you understand why this guideline is in place... I can tell you though, that I also liked the several metaphors you employed... you did a good job of thinking up creative, original ideas in order to express the meaning of your poem. I have a lot of critical comments to make, but I'm holding my tongue until I'm told my criticism is welcome. It's just common courtesy, you understand.  Welcome to Passions, I hope you have fun reading, replying and sharing with the rest of us! Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Welcome, welcome.  I see your other post got pulled which I am pretty pissed at but anyway. This one is another great display of your writing. You've really extended the initial topic and delved into some wonderful concepts. I'm quite impressed with this and I look forward to seeing more of your work around the boards. Remember to reply as well as post. ~AF~ "It is far more difficult to murder a phantom than a reality." - Virginia Woolf [This message has been edited by anonymousfemale (10-11-2002 07:02 AM).] |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
I really enjoyed the read, this is a very well written peice, thank you for sharing it with us Andrew |
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clumsy Member
since 2002-10-10
Posts 106canada. |
yup, you can pick it apart. i don't mind |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Hehe---See Jeesi-Kitty? You're already a big hit! All I do, is think about you... |
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clumsy Member
since 2002-10-10
Posts 106canada. |
i feel so... so... loved! |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well done on the poem. I enjoyed it very much. I hope you reply and post more. Please check your e-mail for a special notice  This message has been brought to you by the letter 'Y' |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
ahhh...I know a Jessica, but maybe it's a Jessica I dont know about?  About the poem, it was written as though you just wrote and wrote and cut and paste and wrote again  I liked the flow of thoughts though- it mirrored what a heartbroken and half enraged teen would be thinking after a break-up or a fight or something of the sort. Nicely done Jess.  Welcome Jess!  Hope you have a great time here, hope to read more soon!
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
This is the Non-Capulet Jess! *nods* E muja oui, "Hyweyr". Pavune E lyh raym ouin byeh, E ryja du kad ujan so ufh... |
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