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LoneWolf
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 384
IL

0 posted 2002-10-09 07:30 PM

"Untitled"

My heart is breaking
tears are shaking
out of the corners
of my eyes

all i thought i knew
all i thought i felt
shattered
in an instant

i stayed up late
that night
waiting for
your call

i told you
not to go
but you didn't
listen

now i'm left
in tears
not knowing what
to do

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

1 posted 2002-10-10 08:32 AM

Very well written, a very emotional peice, thank you for sharing it with us

Andrew

[5thC]: Making you believe the unbelievable

LoneWolf
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 384
IL

2 posted 2002-10-10 03:41 PM

Thank you for the Reply.

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.
I've learned that even when you th

Deep_Inside
Member

since 2002-02-14

Posts 377
i can't stop hiding

3 posted 2002-10-10 04:58 PM

this one had a lot to do with your other poem "Confucshion".i think i spelled that right) It didn't have the same inpact but is was written well. thanks for the read

clumsy
Member

since 2002-10-10

Posts 106
canada.

4 posted 2002-10-11 10:07 AM

that always seems to happen to the best of people doesn't it?
like the poem though.

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

5 posted 2002-10-11 07:31 PM

"all i thought i felt
shattered
in an instant"

Awesome how you described this... It always amazes me how that happens. Good job

Forever and beyond

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2002-10-11 07:37 PM

Pretty simplistic, but within its simplicity is where it shines. You captured the feeling of loss perfectly. I've been there, I've done that. Now it's time to keep going and look onward to new things. Good poem man.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

7 posted 2002-10-12 11:27 AM

Not bad at all. Untitling poetry is for wimps, though (you wimp).

You made your feelings very spoken in this poem. Final stanzas that begin with "now" are usually great endings.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

8 posted 2002-10-12 02:08 PM

"My heart is breaking
tears are shaking
out of the corners
of my eyes" I loved that part. Such a beautiful poem. Very heartfelt and well written. Good job!
*allison*

EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

9 posted 2002-10-12 03:56 PM

I loved this. Well done. That's all I can say, but it hit a nerve. Good one, hope to hear more from you.
Ellie *)

[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (10-20-2002 07:36 PM).]

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