Fading - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Teen Poetry #6

Fading

Deep_Inside
Member

since 2002-02-14

Posts 377
i can't stop hiding

0 posted 2002-10-06 06:27 PM

crumbling beneeth me
dieing every step
falling back to where
i've never been
every little evil thing
latching onto me
my knife is calling
my skin is crawling
one more touch
my life is falling

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

1 posted 2002-10-06 07:10 PM

Hello

I would say I understand, but I don't believe that would help much...

So I will say keep your head up... the sky's so nice to look at. Much better than your shoes.

I enjoyed the poem, the rhyming was sporadic, and I thought that fit well with the desperate voice of the poem. I would advise going back and maybe revising the spelling a little bit. It gets distracting. But otherwise, nicely done.

Hang in there.

--Marie

I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no one should ever feel this alone.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-10-09 10:58 AM

I like the meter you use in this poem. I felt that it really helped the flow and tone a great deal...

Very nice work... and I see you updated your critique message a little bit... lol

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

3 posted 2002-10-10 10:13 AM

A very interesting read, I wish I could help but I'm sure that I understand, anyway thanks for sharing this with us

Andrew

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.