In Elizabethan Times - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

0 posted 2002-10-05 11:22 PM

I always feel
fifteen
[and you eighteen]
when you wear that jacket
with those initials stitched
into the breast pocket.

You seem so mysterious
and
foreign
and so.
and so.
I place you higher/higher
onto that pedestal
you still
don’t know exists.

[And yet secretly I think
you see me cast
in that very cement.]

And then we talk
face to face
[and you’re not that far away
and the eyes aren’t pried and gawking…drooling]
and we’re both eighteen.

Sitting in the waiting room
of the
psychiatrist's office
for that one day a month

we wear short sleeves.

/jen/

i just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister.

[the closest thing i've found to heaven is sitting here talking to you.bif naked]

[This message has been edited by quietlydying (10-05-2002 11:24 PM).]

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

1 posted 2002-10-05 11:33 PM

I really liked this poem. I think you are a good writer. I am that girl that had the punctuation problem..if you remember. I just wanted to apologize. My frined knows that i am kida emotional and i guess that she figured that i couldn`t take the constuctive criticism very well. I am an english/grammer freak so I knew where you were coming from. I appriciate the comment. I also appriciate your poem. It is very unique. I liked your wording and how well it flowed.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-10-06 02:36 AM

This is so interesting. I liked the reference to the jacket at the beginning. I have a jacket that I'm pretty renowned for wearing. Most of my friends agree that I just am not the same when I'm not wearing that jacket. I bought it from a hobo for ten dollars and fifty cents.

As usual, your style is so unfocused and distorted... I'm in love with the way that you write, the technique that you use...

This poem shows a lot of different kinds of syntax that make your poetry shine... things like use of underscores, indenting, and whatnot...

The flow is very unusual in your poetry, and most of the time, quite disturbing.

I love it. Spectacular work, Jen. By the way... sorry I had to run off the phone the other night. And we were having such a substancial conversation, too...

Anyways, see you around.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Chloey
Member

since 2002-09-29

Posts 74
in a silver mustang convertible

3 posted 2002-10-07 08:06 AM

Great Job!!

*$*Chloey*$*

You can fall from the sky,
You can fall from a tree,but,
The best way to fall is in love with me

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

4 posted 2002-10-07 01:13 PM

I had to smile at the ending. Short sleeves. It's a total defiance of the self when you take yourself out of the comfort zone for that brief moment in time. More often than not it's those comfort zones that bring us back to reality so to speak.

You've done another wonderful job with this, Jen. You've made me very nostaligic overall - Oh the memories!! *coughs*

"You seem so mysterious
and
foreign
and so.
and so.
I place you higher/higher
onto that pedestal
you still
don’t know exists."

That is *brilliant*! You've completely captured everything about this person and more. Your current mindset is evident here - the ultimate pedestal makes life interesting.

Once again I'm impressed as all hell. You've got this uncanny knack of sending me back into the past and staying there for a bit. Hard NRG doesn't help it either but hey, it's a good thing. Take care of yourself, mmkay?

Me

"It is far more difficult to murder a phantom than a reality." - Virginia Woolf

EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

5 posted 2002-10-07 04:31 PM

I liked this. And what became of my reading this? Well, I took the reference to the psychiatrist at face value (ie: Not as a metaphor) and found it intruiging. An interesting, well written piece. Nice one!

Eleanor *)

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

6 posted 2002-10-07 04:48 PM

This is such a wonderful and powerful read, this poem is well crafted and a pleasure for us all to read

thank you for sharing it with us

Andrew

[5thC]: Making you believe the unbelievable

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

7 posted 2002-10-07 09:25 PM

Great job....loved it.....

~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

8 posted 2002-10-12 07:23 PM

This was really great. I truly enjoyed your poem. I remember reading you a long time ago and I can safely say that your writing skills have improved with time. This poem was amazing.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.