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Everything
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Everything |
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Hallucination Member
since 2001-03-18
Posts 419 |
"Everything" (10/04/02) © 2002 Brian Eggertsen, All Rights Reserved Intro You gave me everything, Endless kisses and nights Gave love a new meaning.... Verse 1 Didn't know, All the reason's not to let you go. But I...(Never thought the emptiness would show). Couldn't see, The one I was hurting was me. But I...(Never thought the emptiness would show). What I wouldn't give To re-do what I have done, Then I couldn't tell But now I know you're the one. 'Cause... Chorus You gave me everything, Endless kisses and nights Gave love a new meaning.. You gave me everything, Emotions so unreal And you made my heart sing. You were me everything. Verse 2 I denied, What I felt looking in your eyes. I know...(I was wrong in leaving you like that). Your touch, I have never missed it so much. I know...(I was wrong in leaving you like that). Should have realized, That you should not have gone,. Then I couldn't tell But now I know you're the one. 'Cause... Chorus Bridge (Spoken) I know I messed up (Everything) And I'm so sorry ( For Everything ) But just now you've made me see You've always been (My Everything ) Chorus |
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| © Copyright 2002 Brian Eggertsen - All Rights Reserved | |||
Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
So how are the words in parentheses sung? I couldn't quite figure that out. It's always a bit unusual for me to read through your writing because it's always a song, and I have to read it as though it is being sung. "Made my heart sing" is cliche. There are a few other, minor cliches that I think you can get away with... but ditch "make my heart sing" and think of something more creative. The only problem I usually have with your writing is that you don't deviate from your subject matter, and the way you go about discussing your feelings in the song can come off as being overdone and mundane. You should try to toss a bit more spice into the content of your writing. If you insist on love songs, maybe you should make some specification of what aspect of love you wish to discuss in a song... instead of just going full-force with a love song. Just my handful of pennies. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
i was thinking that they could be sung in the background. different singers. backup? /jen/ i just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister. |
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