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Teen Poetry #6

Unrequited

anawnda
Member

since 2002-07-26

Posts 113

0 posted 2002-10-03 06:24 AM

If I could tear out these chains
that bind me.
then I wont be here again,
Broken-winged and confused.

If I could break this cycle;
avoid the all-consuming flame.

It wont be you the next time.
but it would still be the same.

same story,
different face.
same heart,
fresh pain...
***

here i go again, another sad love story,i love you...... why do you love her????????

* you can hurt me...with your bare hands,or
you can hurt me using the sharp edge of what you said.....* jewel kilcher

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-10-03 01:15 PM

This is always such a tragic situation...

I like how you wrote it, but I think you might want to think up some images that are more original.  I appreciate your wanting to bring the concept of pain into a visual sense, but "chains that bind me" and "all-consuming flame" are rather common notions.

Just a bit of advice.  I like the structure of this.

Oh, and I love your picture... it's really cool.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

2 posted 2002-10-03 10:02 PM

i too found it a little cliched.

but i do like where you're going with it.

i particularly enjoyed the last stanza

quote:
same story,
different face.
same heart,
fresh pain...

nicely done.

/jen/

i just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister.

[the closest thing i've found to heaven is sitting here talking to you.bif naked]

anawnda
Member

since 2002-07-26

Posts 113

3 posted 2002-10-08 10:12 AM

i know, i just wanted to vent at that time,its like so frustrating to be in the same situation over and over with just slight modifications. I guess its not their fault since i get so intense when I'm in love. why is it so hard?????!!!!!!

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