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Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

0 posted 2002-10-01 07:58 AM

gaping wounds hold forth
freshly devoured by your eyes
cradling the hatred i once knew
now replaced by humiliating love
pain buried so deep
your chance at finding it are one in a million

i would die a thousand deaths
to be close to you for once
for a cliche is here somewhere
that same wanting in the rain
pitiful

subtle i find my self wondering
about the seven seas and skys
how everyday we live underneath it
yet never come to appreiciate the true beauty
through my poets eye
i shall find the true feelings

you are not safe keeping anything from me
it is not wise on your part at all
look at my eyes and you pray tell
may learn something never known about me

push aside all the looks
that once mattered so much
and peer into the gaping wound
that i call my heart
broken denied scared

this is me

~*Loves humiliates you, hatered cradles you*~

[This message has been edited by Riley (10-01-2002 05:07 PM).]

Chloey
Member

since 2002-09-29

Posts 74
in a silver mustang convertible

1 posted 2002-10-01 08:08 AM

*O*M*G* That was so beautiful i actually got that one and i loved it!You Go Gurl!:-)

East to the Ocean
West to the Sand
Death to the Biz-atch
That touches my man

Chloey
Member

since 2002-09-29

Posts 74
in a silver mustang convertible

2 posted 2002-10-01 08:09 AM

*$*Chloey*$*

I forgot to put my name that was me

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

3 posted 2002-10-01 08:32 AM

See " Chloey " you are getting it....that is how I usually write......you can try and write with not rhyme too...it is so unrestricted......try it some time....and thanks!

~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

4 posted 2002-10-01 09:42 AM

This poem has such a strong opening. I think you mean "one in a million," though. I know it's fun to trip out and write at the speed of light, but sometimes it helps to edit your work too, ya know.

I like this kind of poem, the outdoorsy kind that explores aspects of the natural world, as well as aspects of human nature, in contrast.

quote:
suddle i find my self wondering
about the seven seas and skys
how everyday we live underneath it
yet never come to appreiciate the true beauty
through my poets eye
i shall find the true feelings

This is my favourite stanza, and it shows what I'm talking about... every day we live underneath the sky, and we never take the time to realize what it is, how beautiful it is.  I like your equation of the addressed party to the sky, in that you take it for granted.

"Suddle?"  You mean subtle?  Or suddenly?

Edit, Riley!

Catch ya later, girl.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

5 posted 2002-10-01 05:04 PM

I wrote this before school this morning and had no time to do anything else to it! Editing, whos needs it, my style is rough huh!?!?

Miss Riley ( hehe I love how that sounds )

~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~

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