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Teen Poetry #6
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tried something new
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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tried something new |
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ShadyMakaveli Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 128 |
Troubled Dayz Nights have become fake Dreaming i'm not A burden of loneliness Keeping me awake Days have grown long Haunting thoughts Weighing me down Struggling to carry on Searching for a loved one Am I wasting my time Destin to be lonely My youth almost done Life just doesn't seem fair The good suffer, the bad enjoy Lost in a pool of emotions Tears fall from a cold stare In hard times few are there Support comes from within Can't afford to be dependant Cause even less care |
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| © Copyright 2002 ShadyMakaveli - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
how sad.....I think we all go through this at one time...... |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
oh these feelings i know all too well. i hope things start to look up for you. it's a good write and i really enjoyed it. two things though. once again, i cannot stress this enough, use punctuation. just because it's a poem doesn't mean that it's exempt from all grammatical rules. another thing, i just didn't like the way you said 'my youth is almost done'. i think you should really consider changing the verb. gone would fit quite nicely. it just doesn't fit. good write. /jen/ so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3 |
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ShadyMakaveli Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 128 |
thanx for the responses, anyone else got anything to say. And i fully agree Gone would be much better than done, thanx. |
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Chloey Member
since 2002-09-29
Posts 74in a silver mustang convertible |
I really liked ur poem and i underdstand! its also sad!!But good!!Thanx for the comment about mine *$*Chloey*$* East to the Ocean |
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