navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #6 » MY LIFE
Teen Poetry #6
Post A Reply Post New Topic MY LIFE Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
ShadyMakaveli
Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 128


0 posted 2002-09-26 01:15 AM


Living Life got me worried
Never hesitate, decisions are hurried
At times right, yet never wrong
Moving along, where do i belong
Self assurance doesn't exist in me
Look and see, don't wanna agree
Contradictive in my ways and thoughts
Realizing now, i've been distraught
Blinded by unforseen circumstances
In life not given many chances
Haven't capitalized on my chances
Still lonely with no romances
No longer asking when, what for
Can't miss what you've never explored
Blessed or cursed is what I inquire
A relationship is all I desire
Would that fix these feelings, start healing
Everything this life's been stealing

© Copyright 2002 ShadyMakaveli - All Rights Reserved
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
1 posted 2002-09-26 03:16 PM


This is alright.  I think it felt a bit dragged out in a few places.  You might be better off to break it into stanzas, than to just leave it all as one big chunk.

I think it could be a lot better if only it was more spaced out.  I understand, I used to write like this myself, back when I was starting out.

It just isn't very appealing visually.  

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #6 » MY LIFE

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary