the fun is always in the finding out

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anya
Member

since 2002-07-27

Posts 393
London, UK

0 posted 2002-09-23 11:04 AM

Take me down my love,
grab my hand, an unyeilding grip,
so that I can come with you to the depths,
see what you see there,
feel the pain that you feel,
be immersed in the same despair that you are,
then we can climb out together.
So then mabey I may understand you better,
and map that mind of yours,
that mind of endless labyrinths and passages,
beautiful in its complexity.
Then you can stroll down the corridors of my contiousness,
begin to decifer the mystery of me,
we can learn about each other,
because oh, my love, the fun is always in the finding out

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-09-23 11:09 AM

I like this. One thing I have to commend is your strong opening... well done on that.

quote:
The fun is always in the finding out

Couldn't agree more with this... the only problem is, once found out, where do you go from there? Be careful with this notion, and don't weigh yourself too heavily on the stage of getting to know each other... otherwise, you'll grow bored quickly.

Take the time to ensure that other aspects of your relationship are alive and well.

Just my two cents.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

2 posted 2002-09-23 11:17 AM

This was a very good write. I enjoyed it.

Cold hands means a warm heart

LadyDracaWolf
Member

since 2002-09-19

Posts 73
CA

3 posted 2002-09-23 05:08 PM

I agree with Parasite. Where DO we go after we discover?
It's one of those unanswered questions.

Death is not extinguishing the light;
it is putting out the lamp
because the dawn has come.

Rabindranath Tagore
Poet, Philosopher, Nobel Laurea

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

4 posted 2002-10-16 02:25 AM

the title really caught my attention, and so i had to read it. and i'm glad i did.

you did a great job on this piece. i'll go into more of a critique tomorrow, promise.

::smiles::

thanks for the read.

/jen/

at first i wondered why white oleander was in the six dollar bargain bin.

and then i read it.

[This message has been edited by quietlydying (10-16-2002 02:25 AM).]

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2002-10-16 04:27 PM

Pretty well done. I liked it a lot...the poem led to the ending rather well. In other words, the flow was nicely done.
I hope to see more from you.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

6 posted 2002-10-21 03:02 PM

anya~
I'm liking this write very much.
I love your choice of words and phrasing,
and I especially enjoyed these lines...

    "and map that mind of yours,
    that mind of endless labyrinths and passages,
    beautiful in its complexity"

Overall, this is an extremely well-written piece,
and I enjoyed it very much.
Nicely done.
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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