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Teen Poetry #6
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Reflection
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Reflection |
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ShadyMakaveli Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 128 |
Visions with the minds eye Hard times I try to defy Life's merely a race Nothing i'm not ready to face Been disgraced, now I embrace Past I accept, Can't be erased At times i'm haunted Living how I never wanted Pictured so much more Fantasies of a life I'd adore This life i've been handed Never did I plan it Though i adapted, no longer trapped A life that's been pre-mapped By a greater power, will not cower At times bitter, but never sour Rise above any challenge Faced with adversity, will manage In myself I believe Greatness I will acheive |
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| © Copyright 2002 ShadyMakaveli - All Rights Reserved | |||
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AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
Although the AA,BB rhyming scheme worked for a majority of the poem there were times when it sort of lacked and I felt like you'd used the specific words for the mere sake of rhyming. But over all, it was used effectively. There was also a lot of good imagery. I really liked the line 'Some times bitter, but never sour' I thought that was a really nice little line that tied really well with the ones around it. I also really liked 'At times I'm haunted Living how I never wanted Pictured so much more Fantasies of a life I'd adore.' That little fragment was really nice. Well done on this. Michelle. ~I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say but I'm working on it~ |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Your meter was really a little odd all throughout the piece. You switched around a hell of a lot and this made it a little difficult to read through smoothly. A revision of not only the meter but the rhyme as well might help improve the quality of the poem. ~AF~ "No wonder I do not make people comfortable. I am a mirror. I have far too many things to say." - Mouthing the Words |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I have to nod at AF's analysis of your metering. It was kind of fragmented and uneven, I think you should try and give more attention to your syllable schemes and line sizes, at the very least. Also, AA/BB still makes me twitch. But I, too, liked the bitter/sour line. Nicely thought-through. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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LadyDracaWolf Member
since 2002-09-19
Posts 73CA |
Mirror: something that faithfully reflects or gives a true picture of something else I feel that in "Reflection" the definition of mirror is somewhat distorted. I may be wrong. Death is not extinguishing the light; |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought it was crazy....the ryhme scheme was all over the place, but I really liked it because of that. Tricked me. The moment I got used to one scheme, another popped in. I liked the poem a lot. Well done.  This message has been brought to you by the letter 'Y' |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
Lol.........I agree w/ Dopey Dope....great job....like ur critique message to... ~*Ri  ~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~ |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
i just realized it was rythming after reading it twice...im tired....I liked it. I've never been able to successfully rythm so i give you "props" for the poem. Regina |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
I found this one hard to follow. I think you've got a good base, but... I don't even have any suggesstions to offer  |
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