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Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

0 posted 2002-09-22 11:45 AM

Drowning in confusion,
life is an illusion.
Nothing is real,
pain is what i feel.

Contracting a sickness,
with none of the quickness.
I used to possess,
now dont guess.

What's truly wrong?
Is "life" too strong?
Too big a dose?
Is death close?

You'll never know,
you're too slow.
You'll never understand,
what is really planned.

~Ur feelings never change, u just learn 2 hide them~

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-09-22 01:06 PM

Nice. It's sad how many people there are out there that are innately beyond the truth, isn't it?

Even worse how we often feel that we, too, are in the same situation.

Disturbing as it can be at times, it's fun to think on, every now and then...

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

2 posted 2002-09-22 06:14 PM

This is the second poem I've read today that has made really good use of the AA, BB rhyme scheme which I am really not a fan of. You did it really well, managing not only to maintain the rhyme scheme without having to push it but still using good emotive imagery.

Well done.

Michelle

~I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say but I'm working on it~

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

3 posted 2002-09-22 06:17 PM

thank u 4 the replies. Parasite~ i agree with u on how it is fun 2 think about every now and then..

~Ur feelings never change, u just learn 2 hide them~

[This message has been edited by Spine Grinder (09-22-2002 06:18 PM).]

Punk Angel
Member

since 2001-07-25

Posts 66
Pennsylvania, US

4 posted 2002-09-25 12:00 PM

hey stac, like the poem, its kinda complicated tho, but really deep. g2g (im in school lol) lyl ~kris

We love what is lost, but does what we lost love us back??
~*Krista*~

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

5 posted 2002-09-25 12:11 PM

Stac you did a good job with this and the rhyme scheme flowed very well.

If I have touched one heart through my words, then I have acheived my dream...

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

6 posted 2002-09-25 03:49 PM

krista~hey, ur rite, it is complicated lol but i'm glad u liked it.
Aunt Donna~ thank u, i'm glad u liked it 2!

You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see,but u cant close your heart to things you dont want to feel.

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

7 posted 2002-09-26 05:00 PM

I must say I'm not the biggest fan of AABB or short lines but you have carried both extremely well *applauds*, thanks for the sharing this great poem, I really enjoyed the read

Andrew

If your reading this signature I have replied to your poem, please repay the compliment :)

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

8 posted 2002-09-26 08:49 PM

thanks Zu, i kinda like doing AA BB rhyme cuz i can express my self better that way..or sumthing like that lol, i'm glad u liked it.

You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see,but u cant close your heart to things you dont want to feel.

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