First things first - to activate your flag go into your profile and scroll down until you see a box next to a statement called "encourage critiques," or some such thing.  Click the little box and put a critique message in the big box.  

That's how it works.  

I found myself enjoying most of this, but a few times you forced the rhyme a little too noticably.  I'd reconsider lines like "whose castle I want to build."  That kind of threw the flow off a bit for me.

Aside from that, the chorus was well-taken for me... you seem quite familiar with the structure of a written song.  So I don't suppose I'm one to question that.  

Looking forward to your next.  

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

I'm gonna put it short: I wish my man had the guts to write this sort of thing for me. Unfortunately, they can't all be perfect

Death is not extinguishing the light;
it is putting out the lamp
because the dawn has come.

Rabindranath Tagore
Poet, Philosopher, Nobel Laurea