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Teen Poetry #6
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Riley
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since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

0 posted 2002-09-17 09:47 PM




can you tell that i am scared
shaking underneath you
i shall bow down to your majesty
my sweet love and for you only

as only you will ever know and friends
a bit redundent on my part i admit
i am sorry for everything that happened
but for now my heart is still safe

from the binding with have held it
struggling against my mind
to tell you my secret that has kept
itself together for long now

for it is fallin apart quickly help
pull me back safe in your arms for a time
please help me my sweetness and you know
that i will always stay true to you

how do you know that trueness will be there
because friends never betray friends
as i shall never do to you
until the day my being goes from existence

i fear that you will not be there
on time to catch my falling action
i shake and tremble watching my own emotional death
come closer and closer to my weaking stands

no my love you are drifting away
on a piece of solid ice
may it not melt away in fear of losing you
once again i grasp for your hand

now i feel the warm skin on mine
as your hand slowly slips and grips
i hope for now i am safe once again
wrapped up in your arms

your sweet tender arms

your loving wanting arms

your secret waiting arms

for the first time


~*Theres a sparkle in your eye that only i see, and theres a place in your heart where only i wanna be*~

[This message has been edited by Riley (09-18-2002 07:33 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 Riley Grant - All Rights Reserved
AngelShell
Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...
1 posted 2002-09-20 09:30 PM


This oozed with emotion.  I especially loved the stanza
"No my love you are drifting away
on a piece of solid ice
may it not melt away in fear of losing you
once again i grasp for you hand."
That was really special.
Only one little idea, punctuation may help it flow a little easier.  But other than that, I thought it was a very emotional read.  Good work

~I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say but I'm working on it~

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
2 posted 2002-09-21 11:35 AM


I'd have to agree on punctuation, it's something I found myself thinking of throughout.

Other than that, I'm quite impressed once more.  You're starting to show a very powerful talent for poetry that can only have come from a life lived in great emotional conflict.  While my heart goes out to you and all you've experienced, my thumb goes up to you and all you write.  

Fantastic work here again.  You're a tulip in full bloom, in this forum.  

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Riley
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038
in the pouring rain
3 posted 2002-09-21 06:01 PM


Thank you all for replying, and parasite, I have been through so much and yet it is just getting started. I wish so bad I could just tell him how i feel and get it over with but I can't. I just can't. I have no strength to do anything like that.


Ri

~*Theres a sparkle in your eye that only i see, and theres a place in your heart where only i wanna be*~

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