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Teen Poetry #6
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Dreams
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Dreams |
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ShadyMakaveli Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 128 |
The sunsets, moon rises Truth telling, no disguises Lies i despise, they dramatize A lost sould cries For reasons that run deep Pain escapes when your asleep In a state of serenity At one with your identity Nothing to fear, totally secure Dreaming of a life that's pure The sun rises, as the moon sets Awake to reality, dreams you forget |
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| © Copyright 2002 ShadyMakaveli - All Rights Reserved | |||
Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Great structure. I love what you did with the opening and closing couplets, I felt that was rather clever. Another thing I want to note is the way you divided each line with a comma, breaking two complimentary points apart like that. Nicely done. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
This was very cool. Great write, very descriptive.  Kielo |
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BrokenAngel Member
since 2002-01-06
Posts 141Puryear, TN, USA |
Wonderful read. The way you put it all together was wonderful. It all seems to flow so evenly. Great job!! ~*~*~Night Angel |
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CheekToCheek New Member
since 2002-09-17
Posts 4 |
nice 1 .. i like this 1 a lot.. |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
This is a realtively good piece of poetry- the first I've read from you. I like the way that you brought about a period of time which lasped from the start to the end of the poem. The only thing that *got* to me was the grammar and spelling. Everyone knows that I'm not the best at spelling which makes me feel guilty about pointing it you to you- but if you want to improve upon this piece- just go over and fix up the little spelling and grammatical errors  Are you scared? BOO! Are you now? |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Shady~ I enjoyed reading this piece. Very nicely done. ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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Riley 
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
Shady: Great Job!! Loved it!!! Watchin for more  Ri ~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~ |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I enjoyed this one muchly. A well written piece.  This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. |
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dinky Member
since 2002-10-19
Posts 258 |
i really liked this cant wait to read more from you |
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