navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #6 » Tell Me Why
Teen Poetry #6
Post A Reply Post New Topic Tell Me Why Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Hallucination
Member
since 2001-03-18
Posts 419


0 posted 2002-09-16 07:28 PM


"Tell me why?"
(09/17/02)
© 2002 Brian Eggertsen, All Rights Reserved

Verse 1
Know it's not the right time or place
To discus our relationship,
But I really need some answers
For it's questionable what you did.
Making love to some no good guy
And in our house our most sacret place,
Darling, you hurting me like that
Is just something I can't erase.

Build
My heart splinter like a
Bottle against the floor,
And my promises drowned
No strenght to reach the shore.
So please...

Chorus
Tell me why,
Was it something I didn't do or say.
That pushed you in the arms of another.
Why'd you have to go and hurt me this way.
Tell me why,
How could you look me in the eyes and lie.
Don't say you love me if you don't mean it.
I'm scared it may be our last goodbye.
Tell me why...

Verse 2
Don't want to anymore then you
But if you won't tell me what's wrong,
How would I ever understand
How would we ever get along.
Yes, we're all granted one mistake
But we can't work things out like this,
Having no honesty or trust
Even missing you's will be missed.

Build
My heart splinter like a
Bottle against the floor,
And my promises drowned
No strenght to reach the shore.
So please...

Chorus
Tell me why,
Was it something I didn't do or say.
That pushed you in the arms of another.
Why'd you have to go and hurt me this way.
Tell me why,
How could you look me in the eyes and lie.
Don't say you love me if you don't mean it.
I'm scared it may be our last goodbye.
Tell me why...

Bridge (3x)
Let's make it right
Let's start over,
Here's my heart
Here's my shoulder.

But you need to...

Chorus ( repeat til end)
Tell me why,
Was it something I didn't do or say.
That pushed you in the arms of another.
Why'd you have to go and hurt me this way.
Tell me why,
How could you look me in the eyes and lie.
Don't say you love me if you don't mean it.
I'm scared it may be our last goodbye.
Tell me why...

© Copyright 2002 Brian Eggertsen - All Rights Reserved
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
1 posted 2002-09-17 01:19 PM


This is a rather decent song.  I had a few things to mention, but you don't have a critique flag, so I have to hold my tongue...

Sorry to cut my response off so short.  

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

AngelShell
Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...
2 posted 2002-09-20 09:39 PM


No, this is a really good song.  I can really imagine it to music.
I thought that the message was simple yet you built it up quite nicely and over all I thought it gave a good sense of completion.

~I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say but I'm working on it~

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #6 » Tell Me Why

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary