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Helium Balloon
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Helium Balloon |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg 
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You find it in its proudest moments, as it finds you. A string is tied to its bottom to constrain it to your hands. Only when your hands will fail, will it float away. Far in the overhead, it lurks still, singing the songs of the clouds, picking feathers from a flittering form of pigeon... Perhaps a pigeon, perhaps a sparrow, it cares not. When you are alone and you are weeping, Know that it is losing its flight and that there is no form of true flight... only variations of descent. It is growing nearer to you once more. When you die, it will come and live beside you; as it withers, it sees and feels what you feel. It comes back to your hand so that you can hold it once more. But it is weak now, and when you die, it is damned to be held within the clenched fingers of a failing form; forever prisoner of our unrelenting mortality. Comforting to your final breath is the consolation you derive, looking down upon it as your dearest and most distant friend. The moments you shared had existed in such a fleeting nature, and only time has conspired to bring both of you home. But time has now fallen, and death reaps its brave victory... And so, I urge you, hold it as you would hold a flag and sing the songs of the clouds, as you never did in life; as your anthem in death. [This message has been edited by Local Parasite (09-16-2002 02:46 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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sean_krazy Junior Member
since 2002-09-14
Posts 33 |
wow...its pretty good...thats all i can say...u see usually many ppl in here at the teen forum still dont know how to write a well balanced poem...but urs is an exception to that rule thanks for ur comment on my poem laters sean |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Wow. This blew me away. Literally, breath taking. Now for my thoughts... This poem stirred up a bizarre memory for me, one from my childhood. I was standing on the corner, humming, with a red balloon tied around my wrist, when the knot came undone and it drifted away. Ten minutes later, a bird punched a hole in it and it drifted back and fell at my feet. There is a helium balloon that I have had in my closet for two years now, that has withered and condensed itself and that also came to mind. The interpretation I got from this poem, like every interpretation I've made this week, is linked to love. It heightens, till you can no longer grasp it and it floats away, all the while you wish it to return, and eventually, sometimes it does. Hmmm... I've never posted such a long reply. Excellent work, my friend and I'm looking forward to more. Later Dudes! ich bin schwul, ich bin jüdisch und ein Kommunist dazu, Ich bin schwarz und behindert, doch genauso Mensch wie du ~Wizo |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
This was a great poem. I loved how such a simple thing suddenly took such great significance.  Kielo |
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boy and his spirit Junior Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 41within my heart |
Amazing. Simply amazing, I didn't think it was possible for one person to continue on about an absolutly retarded subjet for so long. I give you credit for that! Another thing, you make you're poems just a bit too "deep". I've read other poems by you and no one person can understand what you are refering to. Honestly, I think you are just afraid of rejection. This is one person in this infernal place who will not praise you for your work. |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Hey, a boy and his spirit: Honestly, I think you're just afraid of using your brain. I refuse to be held responsible if you or any other member doesn't care about looking into my poetry and trying to appreciate its depth. You might have read my critique message (unless it was too deep for you). I specifically insist that I love interperetations. I like to see what people find in my poetry. I know what I'm saying when I write a poem. And it's true that there are wrong answers. But yes, it's not difficult to understand this poem if you have patience and try to look at the symbols I express. Allysa did just that, and she came out with an interperetation that I admit wasn't the one I was looking for, but at least she is putting effort into interperetation and actually appreciating the sentiments that my poem conveys. As for my so-called "fear of rejection..." it's cute that you think you can analyze someone based entirely on the content of poetry, especially poetry that is "too deep" for you to appreciate. Next time you're scratching you're head over something, don't hand me lice and call it insight. I apologize if that was a chore for you to read. But if my writing is "too deep" for you, go read Goosebumps. Have anything more to say to me? Send me an email. Parasite Other members: If you're going to get involved in this discussion, please don't drown my poor poem... I would love more feedback from capable minds.  Learn to place poetry before people Before you place your poetry before the people. ~Andrey Kneller [This message has been edited by Local Parasite (09-16-2002 07:28 PM).] |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
This is a general comment on your poems. I hate to agree with a person that goes about things in entirely the wrong way, but the truth is I think in some of your work you do try to drown it in 'deepness.' Not that this is entirely bad, but it isn't something that is always good. Just my thoughts. Casey |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
It's not like I try to distort and distort until my topic is nearly unrecognizable. And I'm certainly not just babbling a ton of nonsense in order to seek some form of perplexia-borne praise. Depth is an element that I consider important, I admit. I'm also not completely concerned with exactly the amount of depth, particularily whether or not my poetry is TOO deep. I like making the reader think, and so long as I'm not shrouding the message of my poetry beyond recognition, I tend to be pleased with the depth of my writing. Explain why it is a bad quality. Then I might see why your critique is valid. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
I'm not saying it's bad, but i can see why some readers wouldn't enjoy it as much as others. Often time young writers get lost in too little depth and too much. In fact most do. It's impossible to find a balance at times. But in this situation, I am doing nothing more than showing another point of view. Do I agree with it? Not necessarily. Do I think that if some minds would make this into a redeemable discussion about depth of writing that many could learn? Most definetly. Casey |
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LCBS Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532Connecticut |
Before I say anything, I urge you to stop fighting, errrr disagreeing. Here in teen we have been repremanded too many times for arguing, and with things just settling down I don't want to go stir things up again. That said, although I had to read this poem at least 5 times to get the full meaning, I like it. My interpretation is still to come.....I need to read it some more ~lis |
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Helium Balloon New Member
since 2002-06-18
Posts 8MB Cannada |
Who are you? . . . . . . . . . . . |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I'm not sure if I have a capable mind or not... but I do have more to say. First, my interpretation, now that I read back over it, was a bit off. I was neglecting to recognize what this really meant to me, how closely it ties into my own personal life. I loose everything that I ever possess. The use of the word "loose" does not mean "misplace" rather it means that these things willingly go away. Anything that is mine for any amount of time eventually goes and drifts away and this poem, though I didn't want to think about it, made me realize what I am about to loose right now. It provoked that thought, though I do not know why, and it also showed me that maybe things do not completely vanish once they appear to be gone, but rather that they are with you and will continue to be with you and will return to you. Chances are I will come up with another interpretation, but if you want to hear it, you're going to have to ask because I'm not sure if my interpretations are helpful or important in any way. Another thing, "deepness" is not a bad thing. I, personally, enjoy depth. I enjoy when a poem provokes thought and even if one confuses me, it is enjoyable because I can interpret it in my own way. Poems that lack depth, while some can be good, are typically trite. Personally, I have been striving for depth lately because I find my own poetry to be bland and trite. If depth bothers you, don't read it. Parasite, I would like to send you an email.... however, I must wait until sometime after four pm due to the evils of school! Blast Science! ich bin schwul, ich bin jüdisch und ein Kommunist dazu, Ich bin schwarz und behindert, doch genauso Mensch wie du ~Wizo [This message has been edited by Allysa (09-17-2002 11:40 AM).] |
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BrokenAngel Member
since 2002-01-06
Posts 141Puryear, TN, USA |
Wonderful read. Very deep, I love that. As for the one who said that your poems were to deep, he's wrong. Poetry needs to have some depth to it, or else it's so shallow that there is nothing there but mindless chatter. I realize I came in on the tail end of a discusion, but I just started coming back to piptalk and found your poem so I thought I would reply to it. As for my interpretation on it.....sounds like your version of the way life is, the balloon being a person's soul. Just what I thought of when I read it. Keep it up, I look forward to your next work. ~*~*~Night Angel |
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Savage Quiescence Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326Wandering |
Hello! This was a good write, not the best I have seen from you, but still very enjoyable. I love how it is emerged in symbolism. Such a thought-provoking quality in poetry. I really do not know why, but I especially enjoyed the following verse: "When you die, it will come and live beside you; as it withers, it sees and feels what you feel. It comes back to your hand so that you can hold it once more." As for the disagreement, I would like the fighting to stop because, as said above, we have been the subject of entirely too many moderator discussions lately. But I would like to say that Passions is a welcoming community. Parasite invited you to comment on his work, and I am sure he appreciates your input. But personal judgments and cruel accusations are not tolerated. Especially not those that were spawned from ignorance and assumptions. So how about we just drop it and agree to not let it happen again. At this point, I will stick my foot in my mouth before I let you all have a piece of my mind A somewhat frustrated but sophisticatedly collected, ~Sky "Whatever life brings, I've been through everything, but now I'm on my knees again" -Creed |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
Art needs to be appreciated for its depth. You can have a black canvas, and to the untrained eye, it's useless. To the observer with intellect, it's art for its depth and insight. Some people get it, other just don't. Too bad for them. I did enjoy this poem Brian, though the sentence structure threw me off my balance for a while back in the first stanza: "Only when your hands will fail, will it float away." Why did you put 'hands will fail' there instead of 'hands fail'? It just sounded a bit weird. But the rest is fine. Interpretation- Balloon could be analagous to love or a loved one. Loved one: The balloons attachment is only a physical one and not an emotional one.Thus when the 'honeymoon' ends, you're both left feeling empty and rue the fact that you didnt make the most of it while you were both 'alive'. Love: Helium escapes balloons within a day, so you could say that love is short-lived. So although you have love in your life, to you it seems too high up there with the clouds and just out of reach. Only when you feel the life leaving you - you realise you had it and should have made the most of it. Those seem a bit botchy to me, and I could make up another one about society, but Dixon is too busy talking about couplulating, and my mind is warped.  Are you scared? BOO! Are you now? |
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Tiger Junior Member
since 2002-08-18
Posts 24Queensland, Australia |
Simple yet interesting. I like your style. Great use of words and true inspiration! Well done! ~*I'm not deaf, I'm just ignoring you*~ |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
I'm afraid to even be attempting to critique this but nonetheless we all each interpert poetry a different way, can't really tell how the writer tackled this but this is what I see it as...and I maybe coppying other peoples ideas but I do have to agree perhaps its the journey of the soul, or perhaps love in general or life..we'll never know..now will we only the poet himself... Kristen If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Ahh I love the way you get so riled up, Brian.  Alrighty - the piece! Well written once again but this one didn't exactly captivate me as much as your others. From what I'm getting out of it, the helium balloon as such is a figure of love. Not actually in a physical sense but more spritual/emotional. As a person is losing the battle of life, they too are losing the battle to retain love in all aspects. Excellent imagery. It's nice to see the breakage of lines. They really add quite a lovely little impact to the overall presentation of the piece. Impressed? Yes. I hate you.  Thanks for the read. ~AF~ "No wonder I do not make people comfortable. I am a mirror. I have far too many things to say." - Mouthing the Words |
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DewDropRoses Junior Member
since 2002-09-18
Posts 20WV |
Awesome write LP, =) You're not that bad yourself. - Amy Marie - |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
This poem confuses me, to the point where I lose interest in it. There are themes left and right running into each other here and I dont know how to make sense of them. A balloon alone offers pre-conotations of childhood and innocence. On top of those conotations are the ways you stress pride, the balloon finds us at its proudest moments, this suggests that we havent always had it, so it rules out innocence to me...but that in itself confuses me...add to that the end of the poem that urges us to hold it like a flag, again pride, pride of what? be proud of what? also the themes of ascending and descending like a balloon up good, down bad, contradict the balloon leaving...floating away bad, coming back good? I never really know what to think This poem needs something more concrete to attribute the emotions we feel to, there are certainly breathtaking images in the poem that stirr emotion but we have nothing to grasp, and if what im saying is confusing than I'm sorry but I dont really know what to think of this |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Kevin, thanks for your interest... I think it's lucky I happened to pop into the forum after just eating my supper, only minutes after you replied. Sorry if you found this confusing, maybe I did confuse it a bit too much, but the theme was something very clear in my mind when I was writing this. To be quite honest, this poem was written for a very close friend of mine, who I've felt further from lately. I'm going to see if I can clear this up for you any more... quote: A "helium balloon" is a term that this friend actually coined himself, to describe his usual state of being. It is the happiness, sadness thing that you mentioned, which he refers to. I took it and sort of spun it around to have a double-meaning, my meaning being the way in which a helium balloon escapes you. How I felt distant from him, because he had lifted beyond my reach, describes how he had ascended to a heightened state of happiness to the point where he had less and less interest in me. The pride thing? He and I did a lot of work for one another, in terms of ego. Knowing him as a friend helped me by giving me someone with whom to truly relate and have an understanding. "Proudest moments" means, in this poem, the moments you consider to be the high point of your life. We were both quite sure of ourselves, and beyond any real lifetime trauma at the time that we met. I don't think it's entirely fair of me to advertise my relationship with him in such a literal sense as I am right now... so I'll just hope you can understand the implications of it thus far. I used "you" in reference to myself, but I used it purposely in order to be addressive of the reader. I also tried to write this in such a way that it sounded like someone giving insight or advice. This is technique for the sake of reader response, nothing much more. In short terms, this poem is about a friend of mine who was separated when I let him go... so that he could rise, and become happy in my absence. Beyond that, the final portion is meant to give a lesson... if you should ever let someone drift beyond your life, don't nest in spiteful misery... know that they live, still, separately from you. For, should they ever return, it is a burden of theirs to be at your side after so long... and they will never have the power to depart again. This is something to be very grateful for. Which is where pride, also, returns. Hope that was clear enough for you, without me having to go into great detail. I wrote this for him, and only posted it because I was rather pleased with how it turned out. Thanks for the feedback, Kevin. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people Before you place your poetry before the people. ~Andrey Kneller [This message has been edited by Local Parasite (09-20-2002 05:10 PM).] |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
Ahh, much clearer, perhaps refering to the balloon as he, make it more personable...distinguish the balloon as a person rather than what could be percieved as something less concrete, like happiness, love etc. Would make the poem much easier to follow |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Well I wanted to see how much I could confuse people... Plus, I love seeing other people's takes on my poetry. Depersonalizing him was also important to my image of a helium balloon... I did originally write using "he." But I went back and edited it to make it more open to interperetation. I love seeing what takes others have on my writing, it's one of the main reasons I post here. Again, thanks for your interest, Kev. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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LadyDracaWolf Member
since 2002-09-19
Posts 73CA |
I kinda like to look at death as the next and possibly last great adventure. Life is just how you take it. Death is not extinguishing the light; |
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AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
Okay, well, I know I came into the discussion a little late, but like many things in life, I feel like I need to have my say, whether it is appreciated or not... Firstly, it has been my experience that when someone says a certain poem is "too deep" they're merely covering up the fact that they feel inadequate because they fail to see meaning in said poem. It also occurred to me that things have changed A LOT since I was last here, at that time it seemed we valued depth a lot more than we do now. I myself have often had the fear that a poem I write isn't deep enough and will come off as just another teenage rambling written by a superficial girl who doesn't really have a grasp on her own identity let alone a grasp on lyrical relevance and depth... But that is all I'm going to say on the subject... My second point... My interpretation... I purposefully ignored your post that explained the poem, I wanted to see how far off the mark I was... Well, this poem at face value looks like a guy writing about a balloon, and a not too healthy balloon at that...however...In my eyes the only actual reference to a balloon is in the title, and it has been my experience that titles don't often lend insight to the actual poem. Indeed, sometimes the title is meant to act as a decoy, throwing people off the scent of the actual meaning of the poem. Having said that, I will continue to refer to the 'thing' in the poem as a balloon for lack of a better word. In my eyes, there are many things that this balloon could be, during one reading it lent specific meaning to a personal relationship of mine, it reminded me that he was the balloon and he floated away, however, I was so heartstriken (and in a way, I blamed myself because it was my 'failing hand' that made him float away) that I made him come back to me...However, he had already been and had his adventure "singing songs to clouds" etc and when he finally came back to me, it was like he resented me for tying him down once more. The death in the poetry is the death of my spirit not my mortal body and because there was a time when he did indeed love me, he sees the need to stay with me, even when we both know that I'm dragging him down with me. Once again, he resents me for making him stay yet there is something dragging him to me, enter once more the string. In the beginning the string represented all that we had in common, the love for music, poetry, similar thought patterns, however, in the end, the string represents everything that we once had in common that seems to have slipped away yet we are desperately trying to hold onto. That's what I think anyway, as off the mark as it may be. Now I have to go back and read your explaination and cry into my coffee weeping "how could I get it so wrong!?!?!" Keep writing my friend - YOU are the poet. **Michelle** @--->--->--- ~I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say but I'm working on it~ |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
As usual this is another great work that you have written here, I really enjoy reading your poetry and it never ceases to be a pleasure, this peice was no exception and has all your trademarks, deep meaning(so deep I couldn't figure it out, nor did I try, I just enjoyed the read, extremely well structured and well written. Thanks for sharing this with us and maybe one day I'll be as good as you Andrew If your reading this signature I have replied to your poem, please repay the compliment :) |
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paintbrusher New Member
since 2002-08-07
Posts 2 |
ha ha ha ha ha i find this hilarious. if any of you have read the comments by "Boy and his Spirit", i hope you laughed really hard. that person didnt mean what she was saying, it was his girlfriend, and shes only trying to make fun of him!!! isnt that cute. brian didnt even know until after he posted that message. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I'm lovin how new members constantly add themselves for no purpose. Anyhow, the poem. I enjoyed it. The flow was fine and the poem itself was pretty good, but I found that the content didn't really match up together. Regardless of being "drowned in depth" as somebody else put it, depth can be depth without the overwhelming feeling of being engulfed in it. Symbolism can add to a poem, the poem itself could very well just be symbolism. I liked the poem for what it was, and I enjoyed each piece of symbolic interactionism I could have partaken in, but all in all the part that bothered me was the connection of such depth. A poem well done, nonetheless, and I do hope to see more from you.  This message has been brought to you by the letter 'Y' |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
I like drowning * rolls eyes * I love poems that make me think for once.....sometimes you just want the person reading to sit and really think about the meaning you are trying to put through. * shrugs * But then again don't mind me, I'm just a mindless fool. Not really, but thats ok. Anyways, Brian, I found I didn't reply to this and I decided get into the convo, and reply Riley. So here I am and here I did. I loved it. I love reading your poems, it makes me think. ( As I have mentioned before ) Anywho, I cannot interperate. Have tried and just can't. But I understand every word. Concidence, I think not. I love this, have I mentioned that. O yea, and Brian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <------ Those are my trade mark yep. Great job. Riley ~*I found how to laugh, forgot how to smile, somehow your words, make it all worthwhile*~ |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
I for one enjoyed it! |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
My reply looks a little to short. I'll just ramble on to make it look longer....Ohlook at the trees, the bees and the angry fogs, blah blah blah. Ok I'm done "Sticks and stones will break my bones, |
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