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Teen Poetry #6
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Life's Slow Dance
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Life's Slow Dance |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden 
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She ties a ribbon in her hair smiles as the layers of her dress float around her legs Nails painted black to match the satin fabric wrapped around this girl who feels like her dress is too pretty for her. "Will you dance all the slow songs with me?" He asked She smiles at her reflection hair hanging to her shoulders faded black t-shirt and jeans, shoes with words scribbled from friends. Words to match the personality of this outspoken girl introverted, extrovereded no one can tell. "Will you dance all the slow songs with me?" He asked. Of course, she replies because she knows it's what she wanted in the first place but was to scared to ask for. She wants to dance the slows songs with him. wants to dance life's slows songs with him and only him. ich bin schwul, ich bin jüdisch und ein Kommunist dazu, Ich bin schwarz und behindert, doch genauso Mensch wie du ~Wizo |
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| © Copyright 2002 Allysa - All Rights Reserved | |||
Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
I really enjoyed this. It got muche "deeper" toward the end, and I liked that. Life's slow dances...great way to put it. Jenn Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving? |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
is this about you allysa? sup with the black painted nails  i've pictured you already as someone in pink  thanks for the read là où est mon amour? |
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Angel Senior Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 551Pennsylvania |
This was really sweet. It was a good read. ~Susie ~*~Born to Blossom and Bloom to Perish~*~ |
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sean_krazy Junior Member
since 2002-09-14
Posts 33 |
yo..now wasn't that something...i pictured this poem to be more of a reflection from your end. i really like the way u wrote the poem...ur urge to dance all the slow songs but yet u waited for him to ask u that... good sean |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I love the form you use here. You take a subject, define it by a more specific incidence, and then draw it into a larger context with your closing lines. What a lovely way to portray your poem. I like the love poems that aren't just straightforward, positive, optimistic... this poem, rather, is descriptive. You use physical descriptions and a tone that is less than upbeat, but just enough so to make the end result solemn, softspoken... thus having more of an element of pure beauty. You wrote this extremely well. I commend you, Allysa.  Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Allysa- I really enjoyed reading this.  It's written with such a soft touch and it brought a smile to my face. Nicely done. ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, you have not truly met the poet. ~vlraynes [This message has been edited by vlraynes (09-30-2002 01:42 AM).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I really loved this poem Allysa. One day I hope to find a girl that will fit my fancy. I'm pretty much trapped in a cage of my own creation called apathy. So finding that special someone seems quite impossible at the moment. The poem was great though. I really loved it. You managed to make me feel emotions of desire. The kind that make me think of having a loving girlfriend that I can trust. haha...oh well. Well done.  This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
this reminds of the song, "save the last dance for me" i think the title is. The poem had some very nice imagery, and i love imagery in poetry. I hope all is well with you and that you keep writing poetry. umm im fixing this cuz everyone wrote intelligent responses, i guess i should think a tad harder.... well....I liked the poem and i hope that whom ever this guy is he makes you very happy and all mushy inside.Regina [This message has been edited by Ina (10-11-2002 10:20 PM).] |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
I like this one It made me smile, which is what I needed. Thank you for that awesome imagery |
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