She was sure her man was cheating though she didn't have a fact
So she designed a plan that would help catch him in the act.
There was a ball for Halloween that they were going to
And she said, "Dear, I'm feeling ill and I can't go with you."

He offered to stay home with her but she said, "That's alright.
Just go on and enjoy yourself and have some fun tonight."
So he dressed in his costume and he kissed his wife goodbye
As she stood there and watched him leave with daggers in her eye.

As soon as he drove 'round the bend and she was all alone
She pulled a box out that contained a costume of her own.
She put it on then called a cab and to the ball she went...
(When someone said HELL HATH NO FURY.....THIS is what they meant!)

His costume had been quite unique, specifically designed.
She knew that he would stand out. He would not be hard to find.
She checked the house from room to room - she opened every door
Then saw her husband out there with some blonde on the dance floor!

He never once had danced with her! He didn't like that stuff
Yet there he was entwined around some bleach-blond piece of fluff!!
He had a tall drink in his hand and acted like a fool...
She wanted to just shoot him but she had to keep it cool.

She walked up quite seductively and gave her man a glance.
He reached and pulled her close to him as they began to dance.
He ground his body into her and squeezed her half to death
And she was almost overcome with liquor on his breath.

He led her glance up to the bedroom on the second floor
Then took her by the hand and led her through the bedroom door.
She had to keep her costume on to save identity
So, dressed, she lay down on the bed and, smiling, so did he.

For one full hour she let him have her, hating that man so
And, when he finished, she jumped up and said she had to go.
So she slipped out and grabbed a cab and got home real quick...
The thought of what he'd done to her had made her feel sick.

A short time later he came home and slipped into the bed.
Armed with a script she had prepared, she smiled at him and said,
"How was the party, honey? Did you manage to have fun?"
He said, "No, it was boring...." (here she wished she had a gun!)

"But, sweetheart," she said coyly, "did at least you get to dance?"
"With someone else besides you, hon? No, never! Not a chance!"
"But surely there were pretty girls who tried to catch your eye?"
"They'd waste their time", he said. "You know that I'm a faithful guy."

She almost had to be restrained to not shoot him right then
But, calling on the strength of gods, composed herself again.
"Poor dear," she said, through gritting teeth, "it really is a crime
To go to such a lavish ball and not have a good time.

"Oh, well", he said, "when you're not with me I just can't have fun
'Cause I'm just a one-woman guy and you're the only one.
I stood there for a little while and listened to the band
And barely even sipped the drink that I had in my hand."

"My buddies, Peter, John and Bill were feeling that same way
So we went to the study, found cards and began to play.
Going through a night without you, baby, makes me sad
But the guy I loaned my costume to - WOW! What a night he had!