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Open Poetry #22
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Sven
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since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

0 posted 2002-10-09 10:18 PM


this is a challenge answer from a long while ago. . . the challenge was to write in the style of James Joyce's Finnegans' Wake. . . here's my take on it. . . hope that you like it. . .

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

convoluted,
disparaging images convey an antiseptic feeling
among the twain convulsing among the waters
                   waving oceanic still beyond atolls of
                    cloistered frames of coconuts
distinct instances find that individuality
remarks to itself in a microtonal language
of procession and thought
serially formalizing
symbiotically chaotic between two trains
                                                    (leaving at the same time)
aleatory bends the will of chance in a circular prism of dimension
tossing coins into the Treviatic fountain
                      near the antarchaic plazmafair
                                             wondering when language became so uselessful
and when the dayietys days of tea became a tottenklangfe
of totes and klangs fisting

the boundaries have been broken
toward a tritonic unity of wrought wonder
             harmonized in the hebrionic future when the skyes open the moons
(and we finally understand what all those circles mean)
                        the O groing O ---- O be --- O
                                                 will    O    a roundagin
antitime will ante time
                         and time will collate its hands
into a seamless mediocrity that spins panningly
                       swirling multicolored beyond the dawn of blank
                                                     (the convex light of notion)
                                                 [the concave disparity of simplicity]
the Buckyball at the end of the subliminal cosmic string
tessaracting between this dimension and the other
will b            e
         o u    c  with no air
          n                         soaring past the time
of spectral philosophy
                                     and into the time
                                                                  of dissertive learning

this is introspection
                a look behind the quasimabic door
into a whole new inflectitrhythm
                            that uses sound instead of syllable
via an espressivo Esperanto that need not be spoken by tongue
or heard by ear
                                                                                 (or even written down by pen)
a thoughtage that you need process but never learn

this convolution begins
closely guarded, they want to become
                                                 to enter
to flow back through the ebb (the ylem)
until again
the spirit
          is

------------------------------------------------------------------------



To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.


[This message has been edited by Sven (10-09-2002 10:19 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 John Garcia - All Rights Reserved
Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
1 posted 2002-10-09 10:21 PM


Sven - I'm not familiar with the style you mentioned, but I know this is the way it should be. You my friend, are an excellent poet...

BC

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA
2 posted 2002-10-09 10:21 PM


Very interesting. But I like it.

Cold hands means a warm heart

Allan Riverwood
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since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
3 posted 2002-10-09 11:41 PM


Style of Finnegan's Wake, eh?

Well you obviously did an excellent job, as I have no clue what you were talking about.  

Wonderful work!  Great to see you in here again, Sven m'man.

I'll keep an eye on you.

Allan

Mistletoe Angel
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since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
4 posted 2002-10-09 11:49 PM




Wow!!! That sure is a "challenge", I do know of James Joyce's "Ulysses" well but I must admit too I have never heard of Finnegan's Tales! Though I am not familiar with the style, I do enjoy this so very much, sweet friend, yay, I LOVE IT, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Sven, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Moonlight Romeo
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Senior Member
since 2001-09-10
Posts 982
The heart of you
5 posted 2002-10-11 11:00 AM


Perhaps, some comparison might be in order.
Page 3 of Finnegan's Wake

Thank you.

What light through yon window breaks?  It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

Alicia
Member
since 2002-03-22
Posts 279

6 posted 2002-10-11 11:06 AM


~Taking my time with this,...yea,...slow reading it again. There is just so much. Glad to see you around. *Peace Sven.
Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

7 posted 2002-10-11 11:08 AM


Savoring each word like a fine morsel.  So glad to see you again friend.  *s*

If I have touched one heart through my words, then I have acheived my dream...

Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL
8 posted 2002-10-13 02:01 AM


Umm...I have only one thing to say here.

THANKS FOR THE HEADACHE JOHN!



I may need a few more times with this one...heck I may need it read out loud by someone too!

Meanwhile..while Jennifer wanders around after an apparent bump on her head from John's poetry...

well...doesn't hurt to make me think, eh? (ps...no wise cracks, Mister!)

Giving this a bump..

"two hearts will build the foundation for one point of light
a duet done with passion"

excerpt from "I Love You"

Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL
9 posted 2002-10-13 02:02 AM


COULD YOU POST THIS AGAIN IN OPEN 23?
Please?
**begs**

"two hearts will build the foundation for one point of light
a duet done with passion"

excerpt from "I Love You"

rascalx
Senior Member
since 1999-08-25
Posts 590
Florence, SC, USA
10 posted 2002-10-18 01:05 AM


John,
    I am not familiar with the Finnegan style you refer to, but I love this. The language weaves in and out and around like a dance..but it's a coordinated dance with its own distinct flow... funny, as I read this, I wonder if this came to you easily or if it was difficult to find the words to match the "music" (ie. style) you were forming in your head? Does that make sense? lol
                      - Jeff

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