(300th POST)All My Friends are Alcoholics...Especially Me

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AniKay83
Member

since 2000-06-28

Posts 388
Missing Since 1999

0 posted 2002-10-05 09:08 PM

I don't think I'm real.
I'm the figment of my own imagination.
Just a fading memory of who I used to be-
whoever that was.
Sometime (I think last Thursday, maybe)
I stopped feeling,
having poured so many of my emotions out
onto my misguided papers.
I passed them out like pieces of disease,
slimy, scary things I knew nothing about
and had no care to learn.
And still this does not bother me...
I lie (and lay) in foriegn beds so often,
I can't tell if it's the owner who keeps changing
or if he's just fond of changing the sheets.
Bleeding skin takes away from the bleeding heart.
Yeah, I like a little razor blade
with my coffee, thank you.
My friends have begun to ignore me often,
at least, until I hide in my room for hours.
Then they chase me for my company.
I think they're playing a game with me.
I pretend they do it on purpose.
Maybe they will throw me a party.
They'll tease and ignore me until
I lay smothered by my four walls for days.
Then, when I return cryingcryingcrying
everyone who is still alive will jump out
and scream "SURPRISE!!! This is not hell after all."
We will all fall to the floor laughing
and I can end my four year drinking binge.
I believe I am finished for now.
I used to feel an ending,
now I only feel a need to have something in my hand.
If you'll excuse me,
I need a drink...

"No one has ever loved ~anyone~ the way ~everyone~ wants to be loved"
~Mignon McLaughlin~

Kielo
Senior Member

since 2002-02-11

Posts 1109

1 posted 2002-10-05 09:24 PM

Bleeding skin takes away from the bleeding heart.
Yeah, I like a little razor blade
with my coffee, thank you.

Wow. I would be lying if I said this didn't reach me on a personal level. I'm a little shaken. Congratulations on 300, and I hope things turn out better than they are.

Kielo

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

2 posted 2002-10-05 09:42 PM

Hello, AniKay83, I haven't met you before.
But I've never known a figment who could write sad emotions this well. Maybe exchange the drink for the mouse and keyboard once a week and post more in here? Peace to you.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

3 posted 2002-10-05 09:49 PM

Well...considering the title, if feels slightly odd congratulating but what the heck? congrats!

and hey...there's a lot here I really really like:

"I can't tell if it's the owner who keeps changing
or if he's just fond of changing the sheets."

--a bit of wry in jest of the compulsive? I LIKE.

and THIS:

"Yeah, I like a little razor blade
with my coffee, thank you."

--oh yeah. been there. This is so astute--

and finally?

"I used to feel an ending,
now I only feel a need to have something in my hand.
If you'll excuse me,
I need a drink..."

I do understand...and once you learn to love "numb" it becomes "catch-22".

Hard to beat depression when you are downing glasses of depressant.

Enjoyed this thoughtful rendering much Ani--

and hey? for a little bit of politically incorrect humor? *see below*

what I call a "bumper stinker":

"I am not an alcoholic. I am a drunk.
Alcoholics go to meetings."

(really, now, how dumb IZZIT to put such a thing on your car?)

regards2you
Member Elite

since 2002-10-01

Posts 3940
California

4 posted 2002-10-06 09:52 PM

I took the liberty of looking up some of your 300 posts...

you are, as you know, a magnificently
gifted writer, not only in expressing emotion but in form as well according to some of your previous work...

personally: you are in my heart and prayers. Hope you are sober when you read this.

"God works in mysterious ways,
His wonders to perform......"

just ask Him Anikay, He'll help you
I promise...I know......I've lots of alcoholic friends, too...

please post again, I love the poems you wrote..I enjoyed reading them so much.

Pat

without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

5 posted 2002-10-07 12:16 PM

Take a deep breath and say it....
Remember that one?

AniKay83
Member

since 2000-06-28

Posts 388
Missing Since 1999

6 posted 2002-10-07 12:22 PM

I must say, it's a little hard to put myself out there and flat out say "I'm a drunk." But I might as well acknowledge what I am- it'll be the first step to healing myself. The saddest part is I'm only 19 years old and have been drinking damn near every day of my life for the last 3 or 4 years. It's disgusting and sad. But as of late I've had quite an attitude adjustment and am getting tired of my lifestyle. This piece will be a step towards bettering myself and all your comments are helpful, too.

Thank you all for reading this and being supportive of me. It's a great feeling to have friends in strangers. lol

And yes, I am sober now. lol

It's just terrible that sober feels strange to me...

~Krissie

"No one has ever loved ~anyone~ the way ~everyone~ wants to be loved"
~Mignon McLaughlin~

AniKay83
Member

since 2000-06-28

Posts 388
Missing Since 1999

7 posted 2002-10-07 12:28 PM

Midnite, I can't believe you brought that up! I'm all hot in the face and blushing now!! I'm also giggling like I'm 10! LOL Thanx!!
~Krissie

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

8 posted 2002-10-07 07:36 AM

Hey you....look who I find being so wonderfully brave and honest...
Krissy...this is a first step...and you took it for yourself and that speaks to your character and testament...keep taking one step at a time till you take your life back...and keep your gifted pen with you...
What regards2you said is true...you are a very talented poet with a gift for expression...let your poetry help give you a voice and healing in this time of reclaimation.

heart hugs to you
take care of you
jm

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

9 posted 2002-10-07 02:54 PM

Hi, Krissie, first off I want to say that you are a very talented poet....and only 19 years old, too!! That is wonderful, you know. I do believe that you have many good years and times ahead of you. Congratulations on 300 Posts. I will have to look up some more of your poems, too. You know, Krissie, that you have MANY friends in this "Family Of Friends" at PIP.....to me, "family" means support, and so does "friends". So, there's lots and lots of love and support here for you. And, Krissie, I also agree with regards2you (Pat)...God WILL help you if you will only let him. He is the answer to everything. By the way, I feel you have already "asked" for help (In your own special way, Krissie). Thanks for sharing with all of us.

With Love and Best Wishes,
Ethel....garysgirl

AniKay83
Member

since 2000-06-28

Posts 388
Missing Since 1999

10 posted 2002-10-07 08:15 PM

First off: Hello JM, my love! (and most all-time FAVORITE poet!!!) How I missed you so!

Thank you JM and Ethel for your lovely remarks. Every bit of support is like one more tightened seam on my heart. "Seamless hearts have no use." (One of my favorite lines I wrote.) Thanks again.
~Krissie

"No one has ever loved ~anyone~ the way ~everyone~ wants to be loved"
~Mignon McLaughlin~

dgvarner
Member Elite

since 2000-05-13

Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida

11 posted 2002-10-09 01:44 AM

hello...my name is gale...

i'm not an alcoholic..but i'm a codependent..and thats looking the disease in the face..just as you have done here....hats off to you my friend!

well done!

hugs, g

"dont cry because its over, smile because it happened...!" -unknown

bbent
Senior Member

since 2001-01-07

Posts 521
Alaska

12 posted 2002-10-09 02:30 AM

Well kid,I hear this alcoholic thing is like an elevator where you can get off on any floor you choose.No need to ride it all the way to the basement.You've plenty of options,hope you find one that works for you.

Live like it's your last day...
Dance like nobody's watching...
Love like you've never been hurt...

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

13 posted 2002-10-09 06:03 AM

Hmmm, your situation is familiar. I'm not going to say it's easy, because it's not. Every day I have to conciously tell myself that I don't need that drink. I'm only 19 also. If you EVER need someone to talk to about this, feel more than free to email me, okay? Skyfire_18@hotmail.com Don't hesitate, okay? You're not alone, no matter how much it feels like you are

A toque IS a hat! And I have one!

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

14 posted 2002-10-09 10:09 PM

good to see you again AniKay. . . this is a great poem and a good first step. . .

congrats. . .

-----------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

15 posted 2002-10-09 10:18 PM

When you first posted this, I couldn't comment as your words made my heart ache for you. Now, that you have told us that you are making a "good go of it" and changing your life, I can reply. You are stronger than you realize and all you have to do is take a deep breath and Let Go and Let God. You have a talent for writing, and that in itself is something to get well for. Take heart dear, young lady & may peace be with you. Chris

Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away.

AniKay83
Member

since 2000-06-28

Posts 388
Missing Since 1999

16 posted 2002-10-16 04:56 PM

thanks to you all for reading and replying.

"No one has ever loved ~anyone~ the way ~everyone~ wants to be loved"
~Mignon McLaughlin~

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