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Open Poetry #22
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SmartChick
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown

0 posted 2002-10-05 09:54 AM


There Will Be None
~ By Sue ~

He knew how much I love horses
Promised he would get me one
My hopes were really high
So many times this is what he had done

But, he wanted a different kind of horse
Had heard of someone who had one
His promise to me he pushed away
For me there will be none

I should have known he wouldn’t
His promises to me he never did keep
Still, he would want me to trust him
Even after he would make me weep

A painted horse is what I wanted
Not a big old giant Belgium horse
This is the story of my life
He got what he wanted of course

10-5-02




© Copyright 2002 Sue Graves - All Rights Reserved
VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
1 posted 2002-10-06 11:46 AM


Too often this is what can occur, being selfless when a big sacrifice is needed, is far from easy.

Your poem is well done in showing your point of view and your voice.

The stanza where you've rhymed keep and weep would have maybe seemed less forced rhyme if you put the phrases in usual order and rhymed kept and wept.  i.e. "His promises to me were never kept" and then a line that would contain the rhythm and rhyme would probably settle better on the ear and mind.

Enjoyed the read, but sorry for the sorrow in its message. Perhaps you can arrange to some day provide yourself with your dream horse...there doesn't have to be "none."

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
2 posted 2002-10-06 11:54 AM


If I had a fairy wand, I'd wave it and in a blink of an eye, you would have your painted pony!

P.S. Actually, I do have a fairy wand--next to my bed!--but it doesn't seem to work!--So I'm sending you an angel kiss and a prayer for your dream, to one day, come true!

Linda

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